Since I re-post my blog posts onto my Facebook page I should remind people that the name of my blog page is Rediscovering, Reinventing and Rewriting......Stories, Musings and Random Babbling. With that in mind you can understand a bit more why some of my posts are pretty random and may lack direction. When I haven't written in awhile there is a lot of stuff rattling around in my head which needs to just be cleared out. Kind of like the junk and cobweb in the attic. I used to be able to sit down and mindlessly write whatever came to mind. Lately I believe I have been over thinking things. I try to be funny, serious or whatever it is I think I need to be on a given day. I need to go back to just going from the gut and not thinking much about it at all. It is Random Musing so if it doesn't flow right or make sense, no worries. It doesn't always have to!
I think I lost my sense of humor recently. I have been looking everywhere for it, but it isn't in any of the usual places. I hate taking myself seriously. I guess I am supposed to--turning 48 was surreal, I know age is just a number, but 48 is different. I need to get over the fact that I am definitely middle aged, I have been in denial until now. My early 40's didn't bug me; I felt a little more adultish but not ancient. I realize that 48 isn't ancient by any means, but it is alarmingly close to 50. I have high hopes for my 50's, but what about my 60's, 70's and 80's. I need to start getting a little more serious about those healthy changes I always daydream about making. Just yesterday I was 30 which means tomorrow I will be 60. Time flies so much faster as we age. My reading glasses have gone from helpful to necessary, I have occasional short hot flashes which are irritating and I'm starting to get a little more forgetful. It would be interesting to know how many times I actually put deodorant on in the morning. I can never quite remember if I did or not--I bet there are mornings when I put it on three times. I guess over doing it is better than not putting any on at all.
With the loss of my sense of humor I have been having to do mandatory things like work full time. I haven't done that in years. I am so sorry to all of my hard working friends and family who couldn't make time for lunch, movies or fun weekends. The time for those things is hard to find when you are working. I get it now! I love my job but am wiped out at the end of most days. I can't fill every night of the week anymore, I used to be on the go constantly. I need two or three nights to just chill out now. Crap, I'm 48--am I supposed to say chill out? I need to relax more often than before. I work occasional weekends-my free weekends are spent cleaning, doing laundry, paying bills and trying to do all of the things I used to do when I had more free time. Facebook is no longer a daily thing, blogging has become harder to accomplish once a week and I go weeks without calling people that I really need to call. I have never liked the telephone, but lately I like it even less. I need to make more of an effort to call my mom, my aunt, my mother-in-law, my two sons who don't live with me, my brothers and friends. That is a lot of people to call--I would much rather e-mail or text. My 22 year old son informed me that he was going to go ahead and visit my husband last night even though I wouldn't be home because at least my husband calls him to check in. I text--shouldn't that count? I try to put important things in my Facebook Status so that friends and family see them. I know they would rather get phone calls. I get that. I wouldn't post super important life events like births, deaths or terminal illness on there before calling certain family members and friends, but it is the fastest way to get other news out there quickly without spending endless hours on the phone saying the same thing over and over and over......I swear I am not whining, just trying to justify my preference for e-mail and social media. I know it isn't as personal. For those of you who are awaiting phone calls from me-have mercy and allow me to e-mail and text the majority of the time--please! I would like to look at my cell phone and not feel tremendous guilt for not actually using it to make phone calls. I use it as an alarm clock, the check the weather, to play Words With Friends, to check my e-mails, text my children, listen to music and occasionally to Google something. The actual phone feature is probably used the least. I have a lot of available minutes left over each month! I am digressing from my lost sense of humor. I guess I am blaming my guilty conscience for not being in touch with relatives on my increasingly grumpy moments.
Recently my daughter told me that she prefers me when I am hanging with friends relaxing and being silly. She doesn't like seeing my serious side--I am different and not much fun. I want to be fun more often but can't justify humor 24/7. I have to be somewhat grown up since I am 48 now. Not everyone is amused when I channel my 13 year old boy silliness or make sarcastic remarks. Luckily they put up with me at work. Sometimes they even laugh at my jokes. I guess I do have a bit of a sense of humor. I have to in order to cope. I handle stress best when I can laugh about it. There are those who frown and think I don't take life seriously enough. Those people need to see my super serious home side when I am trying to balance the check book or figure out how to juggle my to do list. I don't laugh at home as much as I should. Wow, I just solved the mystery--my sense of humor is somewhere in my desk at work. I will dig it out tomorrow and bring it home with me! My seriousness at home seems to stem from the guilt that I am not managing my time wisely. There are nights where I actually plop down on the couch and watch mindless television for an hour or so. I could be using that time to make phone calls, clean the house or pay bills so I don't have to waste precious weekend time doing chores. I am getting old. As a teen I would never have lumped phone calls in with chores.
I vow to quit harping on my advancing age. I will stay the same silly, random person I have always been both at work and at home. I will attempt to laugh at home at least once a day and occasionally pick up the telephone. Am I the only person who sometimes picks up my cell phone and listens for a dial tone? I really shouldn't admit to that, but it has happened more than once recently. Of course I am the only one who knows what I am doing. Others probably just think I am making a call~which is something I should do now. Since I have figured out where my sense of humor is I can stop writing and go call my mother.
