Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The dreaded gym and noodles from Hell

In early 2012 my friends joined the gym.  I didn't want to be left out, so I decided I would too.  I know, I know, if my friends would have jumped off a bridge would I have followed them?  Armed with good intentions and a two year membership I set off to start my new healthier life.   Instead of finding a place to work off frustrations and stress I found a building full of torture devices and a sea of unfamiliar faces.  The lyrics to "People are Strange" by the Doors played in my head as I tried to find one thing that didn't intimidate me.   My friends are on different schedules and though they would patiently teach me to use the machines and help me figure out a work out routine, I opted to leave quickly with my head down and my tail between my legs.  I had other things to do and the gym did not take priority.

 Fast forward ten months.  I ended up back at the gym.  My husband figured out that there was $25 per  month coming out of the account to pay for the gym and that I wasn't going.  He didn't realize I'd signed up for a membership which means that the money comes out each month for two years before the membership can be cancelled  Oops, I'd  forgotten to mention that part to him.  Anyway, I am paying for it, so I have to make it work somehow.

My friends are still on different schedules and the people at the gym still intimidate me.  Well, most of them.  I found a "Water Walking" class and a "Water Aerobics" class that seem to be just  my speed.  I have always been a bit of a klutz, so exercising in the water helps me not be quite so subconscious.  I do have a problem when we get to the deep water aerobics and I have to use the dreaded "noodle" to keep me afloat.  You have seen those cheap floating noodles that you can get for a couple of bucks at Target.  Kids like to play with them in the pool.  They look unassuming and friendly.  I have learned to dread them.  Since I am a newcomer to the class, I do not have an aquatic weight belt yet.  It was close to Christmas, so I didn't want to spend the kids' Christmas money on something for me.  I wanted to make sure I liked the class and could fit it into my schedule before I put any money out to buy supplies.  I know, I digress a lot.   Back to the noodle.  If you don't have a weight belt to hold you up in the water while you are exercising, they suggest you  put a noodle between your legs and use that to help you float.

First off let me say that I have ALWAYS had the mind of a 13 year old boy when it comes to things like having a noodle between my legs.  Having the "long" end of the noodle poke out of the water between my legs makes me think silly thoughts.  Second, I weigh over 200 pounds at this point in my life and having one flimsy noodle hold me up is not reassuring.  It isn't like we are just sitting on the noodle balancing.  We are doing these exercises that involve lying in one position on your back, then spreading your arms and legs wide as you flip to your stomach.   Easy for them when they have a belt strapped to their body.  I have to do this while trying to keep that damn noodle between my legs!  The first time I tried this I was in the deep end and took in water.  I swear I was going to drown!  I chose the water because I could be graceful in the water.  It is not graceful having a noodle shoot out from between your legs while you are coughing and trying not to laugh, cry and pee all at the same time!

I broke down and ordered a weight belt.  I found one on E-bay for $26 instead of the $41 they charge at the gym.  Of course E-bay had a special where they offered free delivery.  I am all for free.  It is coming Fed-Ex Ground.  I don't know what Fed-Ex uses for their ground service, but I am beginning to think that mules and wagons are involved.  I ordered it on December 27th and it has not arrived yet.  I am tracking it online.  It has made a slow journey from Georgia to Oregon.  It has been in Oregon for two days now, but I have yet to see it.   I went to class last Thursday because my friend Tammie was off and wanted to see what it was like.  I told her I didn't like using the noodles.  She understood when we almost drowned laughing at them as they bobbed between our legs.  Yes, she has that 13  year old boy mentality too.  God help the class if my friend Shannon and I ever have to balance on noodles together!!  I didn't take in as much water with Tammie there, but enough to make me wish that belt would get here.   It was in Troutdale over the weekend so I was hoping it would show up on my doorstep yesterday.  It didn't.  Today is Tuesday, I am supposed to be in the pool right now as I type this blog.   I'm not.  I am boycotting the pool until my weight belt comes.  Yes, I know I could go and just skip the noodle part of the work out.  I am being stubborn though.  It is so much easier to think about going to the gym, plan on going to the gym and write about going to the gym than it is to actually go!!

I will be faithful to my water class starting Thursday.  I have it marked on my calendar for 2013.  It is something I need to force myself to do.  I actually enjoy it once I'm there.   I hope life with a weight belt will be much less dramatic!  

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