Judging Me Is Not Your Job

It seems there are people out there who choose to follow me on Facebook for the soul reason of judging me.  If you fall into that category I have to say I'm pretty sure that is NOT your job.  It is God's job to judge me and He certainly doesn't need to be micromanaged.  He is VERY capable of managing on His own.  God has many years of experience and is technically the only one with the right.  For many years I did not share my views, beliefs or opinions even though  I have a right to those beliefs just as all of you have rights to yours..  I've always tried to be respectful of the beliefs of others and when needed agree to disagree on certain points.  I have been married for over twenty-four years to a person that doesn't always see things the way that I do.  It's okay.  We respect one another and have no need to try to conform each other.  We have our own  minds which is how it should be.

 I spent a lot of years playing the part of the chameleon, the ostrich and the golden retriever.  I wanted to fit in, avoid conflict and be loved by everyone.  Constantly working to gain the approval of others is both impossible and exhausting. There are so many more constructive things to do with my time.  Conflict is something that I still try avoid when possible, but conflict helps us to learn and to grow.  As long as we are living we should be learning and growing.  Sitting back thinking we know it all, judging those who we believe don't know it all and thinking that a narrow mind is a good thing are harmful to ourselves and others.

If I were a political person I would most likely be a Democrat who leans more towards Liberal views than Conservative ones.  I was given the gifts of empathy, a big heart, an open mind and a lot of love.  These are wonderful gifts that can sometimes be painful because this world is full of self-centered people with closed hearts and minds who hoard their love and dole it out to only those who they deem worthy.  I'm not wired that way.  God does do the wiring.  He created us as unique individuals and bestowed free will upon us. My free will and the freedom awarded to me by the country that I live in has made it okay for me to be who I am and not be ashamed of it.

We chose to raise our children in a loving environment that allowed them to be who they are as individuals.  Our four children are completely different in many ways and each has their own path. Though they may choose to keep some aspects of their lives private, for the most part my children share almost everything with me. I have respected their opinions and decisions.  I have made myself open and available to them.  I am not saying that we made all of the right decisions in parenting or that raising our children has been harmonious.  We have learned lessons and grown together as a family.  Mistakes have been made which we own up to.  Our children are all adults now.  We learn from one another.  They have fresh ways of looking at things that I haven't always considered.  I enjoy my time with each of them and am proud of who they have become regardless of how society views them.  It is true that two of my children are living with significant others who they are not married to.  As consenting adults, this is their right.  I have no power to stop them and no right to judge them.  They are making their way in the world the best way that they know how and are learning valuable lessons about life daily.  They don't need my opinions.  They need my love, support and respect.

My family knows that I believe in God, in Jesus, in Angels, in Ghosts, in gender equality, in freedom to love on another regardless of age, race, sex or gender, in Gay rights, in the power of positive thinking and a long list of other things.  They don't agree with all of my beliefs.  They shake their head at a few.  They love and respect me though.  They let me be who I am just as I let them be themselves.  I am not perfect, I am not always right, I do have a good heart and I do believe that love, respect and kindness are essential elements in all relationships.  God loves me.  He knows me better than anyone.  What I do, what my family does and how we choose to live are all known and seen by God.  He doesn't need anyone reporting to him.  He has all of the facts.  The facts He has are true and not skewed by those who view my life through their own filter~a filter laced with their opinions, beliefs and world views.

Though I am sure there are many verses in the Bible that some of you would like to throw at me that will prove I am a sinner bound for eternal damnation.   This is one of my favorite verses.  To me it tells us that there are things in this world that no one really knows or understands.  We can have all of the opinions we want, but until we are face to face with God we will never have all of the answers:

Love
…11When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Love is how I choose to see God.  Love is how I choose to view others.  Love is the filter that I put over my personal lens.  If you cannot accept who I am.  If my Democratic, Gay Rights, Liberal views offend you, then please quietly hit the unfriend button.   I don't need your barbed reasoning or your opinions on my life.  I just need to be surrounded by those who like to lift people up, not drag them down.   If you feel that judging others is your job, you may want to rethink your career choice, unless of course you are a judge.   In that case, judge me only if I'm brought before you in  your court.

Sleep Hypopnea, Haunted Dolls and K

Yes, it has been awhile since I have unloaded my addled brain in a random rant about everything and nothing at all.  Today I picked up the magical machine that will turn my sleepless nights into restful slumber that will miraculously give me more energy, clear my mind and help life to become much, much better.   It seems that I have  a case of Sleep Hypopnea with a minor dose of  Sleep Apnea.  This is probably why I am up several times per night.  I was blaming it on my bladder and the overgrown puppy that I still haven't kicked out of the bed.  He stretches his seventy plus pound, eight month old  body between my husband and I effectively stealing the majority of the covers in the process.  Sometimes his bladder wakes him up as well which means I get elected to take him downstairs to the backyard to do his business.  The chiropractor advised me on Saturday that I should move him from the bed to the floor.  I'm just not sure how to break that to him.  He is so sweet and really, if he would just learn to sleep at the foot of the bed we could all sleep happily ever after.   As is my usual way, I am digressing.  Back to the Hypopnea.  It seems this is becoming a more and more common condition world wide.  It causes daytime sleepiness and obesity.  Can I dare dream that I will lose my lifelong love of naps.  Okay--maybe not lifelong.  I'm sure I fought them when I was little.  I started enjoying them in my teens.  Could it mean that breathing at night would help me to become a little less chunky?  What about my highly entertaining yet somewhat bizarre dreams?  Are they a product of oxygen deprivation?  Will I lose my ability to wake up each morning and say WTF?  My dreams have become increasingly weirder in the past few months.  I have blamed stress and an overly active imagination.  The ghosts, body contortionist demons and abundance of fire on Saturday night did leave me mildly disturbed.  Will my dreams become mundane when I am getting enough air at night?  Time will tell.

If I would have read the article about the woman in Scotland with the Haunted Dolls before Saturday I would blame the article for my nightmares.  I realize that my friends and family think that I have strange beliefs and ideas at times.  I don't contradict them, strange is in the eye of the beholder.  Yes, I can be weird.  I will NEVER however spend thousands of dollars on Haunted Dolls.  This woman trolls the Internet looking for dolls with spirits in them.  It is believed that dolls came about as vessels to hold spirits.  This woman communicates with the spirits in her dolls as do her children.  They entertain the spirits and even have a babysitter for them if they are going to be away.  I'm sorry--I would never babysit someones freaky dolls to make sure they didn't wreak havoc on their apartment while they were away.  If the dolls are going to wreak havoc, I don'[t want to be anywhere near them when they do it.  Dolls and clowns are two of the freakiest things I can think of.  I know that I go ghost hunting but I would never invite a ghost to come live with my and become part of my family.  I guess I should never say never.  If I were to meet the right ghost, maybe we would settle down together~it is hard to say.  Why would any ghost want to limit themselves to the body of a doll when they could be flying around free from constraints.  Think of the places you could go.  I wouldn't want to be in a stuffy apartment with a strange woman deciding what we should watch on the telly.

To those of you who text me.  I am sorry if the letter "K" offends you.  I usually try to text out complete words.  I don't use things like LOL or other short cuts.  I feel I am too old to use "u" instead of you.  I will however type "K" instead of okay if I am busy or just being lazy.  Last week one of Kyle's friends asked me if I was mad at him.  He texted to say that he dropped in for a few minutes while we were gone.  He let the dogs out and got a drink.  He is like family so this was fine.  I was in the car, as a passenger, and texted "K" because I get carsick texting in the car and wanted him to know that it was fine that he was there.  The dogs were probably thrilled to see him.  He is under the impression that "K", especially a big "K" means that you are mad or irritated at someone.  I seldom get mad.  When I am irritated, the majority of the time it is a personal issue.  You may be irritating me but it is because I have a headache, I am tired or for whatever reason that probably has little to do with you and a lot to do with my mood.    If I have texted "K" to any of you and you have thought I was mad--sorry.  I will try to type okay from now on.  If I do get lazy and type "k", I will use a small "k" so I'm not shouting.

I continue to be amazed at the world and the changes that have come about not only in my life time, but in the past few years.  Technology is going way too fast for my aging brain.  I never imagined signing documents online, sending my kids photos of something in the store to see if they would want it or asking my phone what "Hypopnea" means.  My car talks to me, a microchip informed a doctor that I snored over 600 times one night, stopped breathing 4 times, had shallow breathing at least 23 times per hour and took in from 75%-93% oxygen through the night.  Last week in the store the original Don McLean version of "American Pie" was playing.  I told the clerk that I had the "45" when I was young and that you had to turn it over in the middle of the song since the song was so long.  He smiled at me.  When we left the store my friend reminded me that he probably had no idea what a "45" was.   I have become my grandma.  I speak of ancient things that my children and grandchildren will have no concept of.  I used to sit up late listening to 62 KGW on the AM station waiting to hear my newest favorite song.  If I was lucky I could hit record in time to not only catch the beginning of the song, but to miss the DJ talking over it.  After capturing the music on my little device I would rewind and fast forward with a pen in hand trying to make out all of the lyrics.  My kids have taught me that when I hear a new song I just have to hit an app on my phone that will be able to tell me who it is and what it is.  Of course I can always Google the lyrics.  Yes--I have digressed and gone all random on you.  It is what I do.  I also used to walk to school two miles in the snow up hill both ways!!

Still Gullible

After sending out dire warnings to friends and family members about always being aware of current scams and to be careful on the Internet, I got sucked in for a few minutes this morning.  I would rather just be embarrassed in private and not confess to the world about my gullibility, but that doesn't help anyone else who may fall victim.  I think you all know how I feel about scam artists.  They are the scum of the earth who swindle innocent people out of whatever they can get.  They take advantage of people in bad situations who may not be thinking clearly.  My situation is not terrible, but I have been worried.  This morning I was offered a solution that was too good to be true.  For an hour I thought of the possibilities and even found myself getting excited.  Then reality hit with the second e-mail.  It wasn't true--that is why it was so perfect.  

From  my last post you all know what we are going through with our house.  My husband has been extremely stressed out lately wondering where we will end up.  He worries about having enough room in a rental providing that we can find one that will allow our dogs.  I have wanted to find a solution to relieve that stress.  I have had friends that I know who have house sat for long periods of time due to differing circumstances; friends who have leased to own and other non-traditional situations.  I am looking at all options right now.   I happened upon an ad for a large home in Oregon City whose owner is doing mission work for the next five years.  They claimed to need someone trustworthy to rent the house for a low rate and keep an eye on their 3 acres for them.  I started thinking about how much money we could save in five years and how great it would be to be in a large house on acreage.  The e-mail had a name, a phone number, the address of the house and other things that made it appear legit even though I was questioning it.  I put in the application which did NOT ask for my bank information or social security number.  I did give information that I wish I hadn't such as my employer and cell phone number.   These things could be found by someone easily enough.  Still, the thought of me handing them willingly to a lying piece of crap makes me nauseous.  Sorry, I do have strong feelings about situations like this.

I received an excited reply from the supposed homeowner telling me that we sounded like the perfect renters and that all we needed to do was to send a thousand dollar deposit to them through Western Union.  They advised me not to talk to the realtor whose name is on the sign out front because they didn't want them to know that they decided to handle the property on their own.  The daydream bubble burst and I went from hopeful to pissed off and defeated in a matter of seconds.  I wrote back telling them that I had checked into things and found that they were not who they purported to be and that I found them disgusting.  I told them that Karma is real and that someday they would pay for taking advantage of people.  I think I also put something in there about them choosing the wrong path in life and never being able to find happiness until they changed their ways.  Yes--stupid, sappy and a little pissy--not well thought out.  I blocked them, informed the rental site and now sit here confessing my complete clueless, delusional stupidity to all of you.  I can see how those really lost could reach out for something so tempting.  What we want to be real seldom is.  I don't mean that in a pessimistic way it is just that reality is so different depending on the perspective.  I believe I have stopped making sense.  I need to take a deep breath.  There is a plan for us.  We will land on our feet and find the right place to live.  All will be fine as long as I keep my head on  straight and not fall victim to desperation.  It is a little depressing to find that no matter how careful I try to be, I'm still gullible.