Tis the season once again. My Christmas aversion is almost cured and earlier this month I actually had a bit of joyful Christmas spirit. Preparing to have our first holiday in the new house got me excited about the possibilities. Of course I did break one rule in house hunting that I didn't realize that I had broken until we moved in. I was once told long ago to always imagine where you would put your tree when looking at a house that may become your home. In my defense I wasn't looking at an actual house. I was looking at a muddy lot and a sketched out floor plan. Once the dust settled and we were moved in it became apparent that there really weren't many places to put a tree. The entry way is the best option so that was what we decided to go with when the time came.
December always seems so far away until it gets here, then it zooms by making me feel anxious and rushed. There are not enough hours in the day. I was pleasantly shocked and amazed the first weekend when I returned from out of town to find that my husband had hung the Christmas lights and decorated the front yard. I usually have to prod him to do it and it is done with much grumbling under his breath. He is a third generation longshoreman so much of the grumbling consists of a variety of curse words. I believe part of his helpful gesture had to do with the fact that I had invited all of the neighbors in our new neighborhood of 19 houses to gather at our house for a holiday open house/meet and greet the following week. While he was out hanging the lights neighbors stopped to thank him for the invitation and to RSVP. This hair brained idea that he had balked at initially all of the sudden seemed great and he wanted to house ready for the party.
Two days before our open house we had a shopping day. It started out pleasant enough with hot cocoa and good cheer. We had a list and a plan. The day took a bit of a turn when we couldn't agree on a tree skirt. After several stores he was hissing at me under his breath about how I needed to just pick something. I held my tongue and decided that silence was the best course. We were annoyed with one another which is never fun and the fact that it was over a tree skirt just made it all completely ludicrous. We had bought a tree at a lot that was fundraising for a local softball team a few days before. The tree stood unadorned in our entry way waiting for someone to decide to decorate it. We had thrown away our previous tree skirt though I can't remember why and now it was of the utmost importance to buy another skirt or Christmas would surely be ruined. Isn't it all about the tree skirt? I would rather put a sheet under the tree than spend money on something I didn't like. What's wrong with a sheet? Thankfully the day was saved when I spotted a red tree skirt with silver snowflakes and a bit of bling at TJ Maxx.
With the tree skirt safely tucked away in the trunk we headed home. We received separate calls from our two youngest children who are away at college asking if they could come up for the weekend. We took advantage of having them there to finally get the tree decorated and the house ready for the upcoming party and the holidays. I was very happy with how the new tree skirt looked under the tree. My husband had also bought a new star that was a bit more disco-ish than I would have chosen, but nice all the same and a remote control so that he could turn the lights of the tree off and on with the push of a button.
Unfortunately one of our dogs thought that Christmas had surely come early for him. We had rigged up a very fancy and sparkling new bathroom for him right there in the entryway. He was so happy that he lifted his leg and peed all over it. Obviously this was not amusing to us but may have been forgiven if he had just done it the one time. No matter how many times we have rubbed his nose in it and told him no he continued to squirt the tree anytime our backs are turned. The tree skirt had to be washed twice and then put away so that it didn't get ruined. The fragrant smell of Christmas tree is no longer apparent. The poor tree has been sprayed with Fabreeze and Boundary (a product that is supposed to deter dogs from marking areas). I feel like I need to go out and buy a pine scented Glade plug in. The dog has a male doggy diaper that fits around his middle and covers up his pee squirter but I can't seem to keep it on him. He either wriggles out of it or his accomplices help him pull it off. The presents are stacked on the bench in the mudroom as I don't want anyone to have extra special Rooney scented wrapping paper on their gifts.
The neighborhood open house was almost perfect. Most of the neighbors came. They were very nice and gracious. Our house was filled with people. The small children played upstairs in the media room, wine was poured, food was eaten and everyone was in good cheer. The dogs were hidden away in our room since the party was supposed to be only two hours. When two hours had come and gone there were still over a dozen guests enjoying themselves. It was decided that we needed to get the dogs out to the yard to give them a break. We had explained to them how we had two wonderful Pitbull rescue dogs that were our babies. They are friendly and lovable but just a bit too rambunctious to have out during the party. One of the guests thought they were adorable and decided to go out to pet them. Luckily my husband went out as well. All was fine as she gave the youngest dog some love and attention. Unfortunately he can get jealous and when that happens it can get bad fast. Rooney came over to get some love too and Dempsey decided to show the pretty lady who was dominant. It isn't actually Dempsey but he tries. Dempsey attacked Rooney which is very loud, very scary looking and if you don't know them can totally freak you out. Antone grabbed Rooney and I had to run outside grab Dempsey by the back legs, lay on him and bite his ear. That is what has to happen. It isn't pretty but it is necessary. Until that point I think our guest thought we were pretty cool and awesome neighbors to have. Not sure what they thought after that spectacle that ended with a tiny bit of blood, some dirty jeans and broken glasses. I forgot that my glasses were on my head when I was wrestling with Dempsey. The house cleared out pretty quickly after that. I guess I'm lucky that they were an older crowd~the young families had already left. If there were any teens or young adults left in the house I'm sure I'd be on YouTube. It is my goal in life not to be on YouTube.
It is now less than a week until Christmas. Rooney and Dempsey are cuddled together being best friends because that is what they are 98% of the time. I still have two college aged children under my roof for the week which makes it seem almost like old times. I may or may not finish writing the Christmas Cards but I bought stamps just in case. I'm choosing to believe it will be a Merry and Bright Christmas for our family. Life isn't perfect. There are some heartbreaks happening and money is always tight this time of year. We have each other, we are all together and dammit we have a beautiful new tree skirt that may get put down on Christmas Eve and with any luck it will stay dry.
Monday, December 19, 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Uncluttering My Brain.......
When I sit down to write I never know what is going to come out. It has been awhile since I blogged and when I do I feel the need to put a warning at the top. My brain goes in several directions at once. I could be going one direction and then go off on a tangent into another. I have too much on my mind for one post but whatever needs to come out will find its way. Since I need to get things out of my head I'm sure this one will have no rhyme or reason--just a bunch of stuff that is weighing me down. Maybe when I finish I'll be able to think a bit clearer.
When I started blogging it was to clear my head as I muddle my way through this thing called life. We all have our different coping mechanisms. Writing has always been an escape for me, a way to get junk out of my head so that I can move forward when I'm stuck. I was not surprised when I heard about blogging therapy a few years ago--this is a form of therapy I've used all of my life. When I was younger I wrote poetry. I am sorry to say that I made my friends and boyfriends read it--if Facebook would have been around my page would have been filled with teen angst poetry that surely would have made me the victim of cyber bullies!
Blog therapy has helped me through bouts of depression and with anxiety. It is hard for those who don't know me well to picture me having depression or anxiety issues but I can map them all the way back to my teens. I spent most of my life trying to hide this side of me because I wanted to be normal. I didn't think anyone would understand my dark moods or irrational fears. In opening up about my struggles I have found that what I suffer from is very common and that my symptoms are pretty mild. Of course when I'm in the middle of fighting off my inner demons it doesn't seem mild to me. The part of blogging that I didn't really expect was that some people would actually read my blogs! To me I was typing out my feelings and sending them to the universe. I didn't think the universe would respond. There are a few who have said that my words have helped them. If a post happens to help one person then that is awesome. Helping others and encouraging those who are going through rough times are things I try to do in my daily life. I want to be a light for others. Being a light can be a challenge when I'm in a dark spot but meeting that challenge helps me to remember that most of life is good.
I haven't blogged in awhile because I've been in a funk and my self esteem is in the toilet. I worry too much about what others think. I hate that about myself. I tell everyone not to let people dictate to them who they should be or how they should act. How come I can't follow my own advice? It was pointed out to me recently that my struggles with self worth have affected someone very close to me. That breaks my heart. I have let my weight, lack of a career and lack of a college degree make me feel like a failure. These things may matter to the world but they don't matter to those closest to me who know me, love me and believe in me. My weight and IQ don't define me. I let myself believe that they did and have formed a very bad habit of putting myself down.
I've waded through this funk since Christmas and have once again set out to reinvent myself. Bad habits are hard to break. I have been working to accept who I am at this moment in time. I may be a total freak but at this point in my life who I am seems to change daily. I have had some major transitions over the past few years and they have taken their toll. Losing a parent, not being able to protect my children from heartache, losing a job that I loved and becoming an empty nester have been the biggest of dozens of events that have brought me to this place. I miss my dad. I miss the job that I had at CCS where I got to use my skills and felt confident in what I was doing. When the company went bankrupt after I got back from my leave of absence I was devastated. I have had a couple of jobs since then but until now I didn't have one that felt right. My current job is a work in progress. At the moment I'm not as confident as I'd like to be. Having my children all out in the big scary world has been and will continue to be rough. I have to remind myself daily that they will be okay. We all need to find our own way and as much as I want to hold their hands and ward off monsters I have to hold back. Raising children through til the end of high school is filled with homework, sports, activities and juggling schedules. When the youngest child graduates a chapter of your life is over. Transitioning and reinventing come easier for some. I'm trying to fake it til I make it. What I need to do now is to move forward looking ahead. What is behind me has given me some valuable lessons and now I need to move along.
It is hard to put into words the things that keep me awake at night. I am filled constantly with guilt at not being a better daughter, niece, wife, mother, friend.... There is not enough time in the day to do all of the things that I want to do. Instead of being grateful for the things I did accomplish I am haunted by the things that I didn't do. I feel badly that I am not able to spend more time with my mom and aunt. I wish that I could do more for my children. I don't see my friends as much as I would like to see them. All that I can do is try to find moments here and there to spend quality time with those I love.
There are different seasons in our lives and some years are busier than others. My focus right now is on building a dream home with my husband. We are now questioning whether we can afford it but have to trust that somehow it will all work out. Going into this endeavor I envisioned the new home representing a new chapter. Together we are building a place that we designed together with visions of family gatherings and BBQ's with friends. What I didn't envision was all of the paperwork, contractors, set backs and headaches that go along with buying and selling homes. Today we are falling further behind on progress because the plumber cancelled and the house cannot move forward without having the plumbing in place. They haven't been able to reschedule because all of the plumbers on their list are busy. We don't know how long it will sit before they can work on it again. The house stuff is frustrating me right now but it is not what has me down. I know that in a few months we will be moving and life is good. We are blessed~this is something that we have been planning for five years and it is becoming a reality. I am grateful for this because six months ago I believed that it would be another year or two before we could make this happen.
After all of the other stuff we are really coming to the heart of the matter. I haven't blogged in 2016 because of fear. I let a bully make me question whether I should be blogging. I let someone who doesn't matter scare me into being quiet. Several months ago I wrote a blog about Christmas music being played in September. I started a new job and spent a few hours listening to Christmas music. Not all of us get warm and fuzzy feelings when we hear Christmas music. I was confronted about this blog and told that several lawyers had read it to make sure that it wasn't crossing any line. This really seemed like overkill to me. I am a no name soccer mom who averages about 10 readers. I also try hard to be overly politically correct at all times--even when I'm decluttering my brain. I have to sensor things like everyone else. Most of it is actually natural--I hate conflict and I hate offending people. There was a time when avoiding conflict and being unoffensive were easier. We used to live in a different world. Today you offend people by just breathing. Anything and everything you do, feel, think and say is scrutinized. As you can imagine being called in to hear that six lawyers almost doubled the audience of my blog kind of freaked me out. I send my stuff out to the universe in hopes that it will make someone smile, laugh or help them through a rough time. There was nothing worthy of litigation in my writings and because they weren't my intended audience they didn't find it particularly witty or entertaining--there are critics everywhere. I am making light of it but in all reality it changed my thoughts on blogging and Facebook posting. It made me aware that all who are reading aren't friends. Some people read what you write so that they can turn your own words against you and make them something they are not. I am all about love and kindness. My mind can't compete against those who have ulterior motives and who try to mess with people's minds. My mind is messed up enough--it doesn't need extra messing.
Since I am de-junking my brain I needed to get this part out so that I can move on. I have let bullies manipulate me in the past. My personality is such that I'm an easy target. I am a people pleaser. I think that might be hardwired into me~we are all wired in different ways. As I get older I see that I need to protect myself more. I need to step back from those who don't have my best interest in mind, I need to stand up for myself and not let myself be bullied into situations that make me uncomfortable. There is a slight chance that my blog posts are still being monitored and scrutinized. If this is the case I will leave a message. I will never mention your name or your business in this or in any of my posts. I am not and never have been a vindictive person. Have a nice life, good luck in your business and try hard to be the person you advertise yourself to be. Once my son asked me why his friend bragged so much to everyone about how much better of a soccer player he was. It hurt my son's feelings because in his mind they were both good and he didn't understand why the friend had to brag to everyone about not only how good he was but how much better he was than my son. I explained to him that if you really are good then you don't have to tell everyone about how good you are--people are smart and will be able to see it without being told. If you feel you need to tell people how good you are then you are trying to convince yourself.
As I said--unclogging my brain is a major undertaking that goes in all different directions. There is a chance that no one will ever read any of this and that is fine by me. I need to get out of this funk and move forward with life. My goals are surviving the closing of both houses, moving, getting rid of at least half of the stuff in storage so that life is more streamlined, getting more confident in my current job, picking up another part-time job to help with the bills, make sure my friends and family don't forget I'm still kicking and to just live a simple life full of love and kindness. Sappy--I know--but that is me and I have to confidently own who I am.
When I started blogging it was to clear my head as I muddle my way through this thing called life. We all have our different coping mechanisms. Writing has always been an escape for me, a way to get junk out of my head so that I can move forward when I'm stuck. I was not surprised when I heard about blogging therapy a few years ago--this is a form of therapy I've used all of my life. When I was younger I wrote poetry. I am sorry to say that I made my friends and boyfriends read it--if Facebook would have been around my page would have been filled with teen angst poetry that surely would have made me the victim of cyber bullies!
Blog therapy has helped me through bouts of depression and with anxiety. It is hard for those who don't know me well to picture me having depression or anxiety issues but I can map them all the way back to my teens. I spent most of my life trying to hide this side of me because I wanted to be normal. I didn't think anyone would understand my dark moods or irrational fears. In opening up about my struggles I have found that what I suffer from is very common and that my symptoms are pretty mild. Of course when I'm in the middle of fighting off my inner demons it doesn't seem mild to me. The part of blogging that I didn't really expect was that some people would actually read my blogs! To me I was typing out my feelings and sending them to the universe. I didn't think the universe would respond. There are a few who have said that my words have helped them. If a post happens to help one person then that is awesome. Helping others and encouraging those who are going through rough times are things I try to do in my daily life. I want to be a light for others. Being a light can be a challenge when I'm in a dark spot but meeting that challenge helps me to remember that most of life is good.
I haven't blogged in awhile because I've been in a funk and my self esteem is in the toilet. I worry too much about what others think. I hate that about myself. I tell everyone not to let people dictate to them who they should be or how they should act. How come I can't follow my own advice? It was pointed out to me recently that my struggles with self worth have affected someone very close to me. That breaks my heart. I have let my weight, lack of a career and lack of a college degree make me feel like a failure. These things may matter to the world but they don't matter to those closest to me who know me, love me and believe in me. My weight and IQ don't define me. I let myself believe that they did and have formed a very bad habit of putting myself down.
I've waded through this funk since Christmas and have once again set out to reinvent myself. Bad habits are hard to break. I have been working to accept who I am at this moment in time. I may be a total freak but at this point in my life who I am seems to change daily. I have had some major transitions over the past few years and they have taken their toll. Losing a parent, not being able to protect my children from heartache, losing a job that I loved and becoming an empty nester have been the biggest of dozens of events that have brought me to this place. I miss my dad. I miss the job that I had at CCS where I got to use my skills and felt confident in what I was doing. When the company went bankrupt after I got back from my leave of absence I was devastated. I have had a couple of jobs since then but until now I didn't have one that felt right. My current job is a work in progress. At the moment I'm not as confident as I'd like to be. Having my children all out in the big scary world has been and will continue to be rough. I have to remind myself daily that they will be okay. We all need to find our own way and as much as I want to hold their hands and ward off monsters I have to hold back. Raising children through til the end of high school is filled with homework, sports, activities and juggling schedules. When the youngest child graduates a chapter of your life is over. Transitioning and reinventing come easier for some. I'm trying to fake it til I make it. What I need to do now is to move forward looking ahead. What is behind me has given me some valuable lessons and now I need to move along.
It is hard to put into words the things that keep me awake at night. I am filled constantly with guilt at not being a better daughter, niece, wife, mother, friend.... There is not enough time in the day to do all of the things that I want to do. Instead of being grateful for the things I did accomplish I am haunted by the things that I didn't do. I feel badly that I am not able to spend more time with my mom and aunt. I wish that I could do more for my children. I don't see my friends as much as I would like to see them. All that I can do is try to find moments here and there to spend quality time with those I love.
There are different seasons in our lives and some years are busier than others. My focus right now is on building a dream home with my husband. We are now questioning whether we can afford it but have to trust that somehow it will all work out. Going into this endeavor I envisioned the new home representing a new chapter. Together we are building a place that we designed together with visions of family gatherings and BBQ's with friends. What I didn't envision was all of the paperwork, contractors, set backs and headaches that go along with buying and selling homes. Today we are falling further behind on progress because the plumber cancelled and the house cannot move forward without having the plumbing in place. They haven't been able to reschedule because all of the plumbers on their list are busy. We don't know how long it will sit before they can work on it again. The house stuff is frustrating me right now but it is not what has me down. I know that in a few months we will be moving and life is good. We are blessed~this is something that we have been planning for five years and it is becoming a reality. I am grateful for this because six months ago I believed that it would be another year or two before we could make this happen.
After all of the other stuff we are really coming to the heart of the matter. I haven't blogged in 2016 because of fear. I let a bully make me question whether I should be blogging. I let someone who doesn't matter scare me into being quiet. Several months ago I wrote a blog about Christmas music being played in September. I started a new job and spent a few hours listening to Christmas music. Not all of us get warm and fuzzy feelings when we hear Christmas music. I was confronted about this blog and told that several lawyers had read it to make sure that it wasn't crossing any line. This really seemed like overkill to me. I am a no name soccer mom who averages about 10 readers. I also try hard to be overly politically correct at all times--even when I'm decluttering my brain. I have to sensor things like everyone else. Most of it is actually natural--I hate conflict and I hate offending people. There was a time when avoiding conflict and being unoffensive were easier. We used to live in a different world. Today you offend people by just breathing. Anything and everything you do, feel, think and say is scrutinized. As you can imagine being called in to hear that six lawyers almost doubled the audience of my blog kind of freaked me out. I send my stuff out to the universe in hopes that it will make someone smile, laugh or help them through a rough time. There was nothing worthy of litigation in my writings and because they weren't my intended audience they didn't find it particularly witty or entertaining--there are critics everywhere. I am making light of it but in all reality it changed my thoughts on blogging and Facebook posting. It made me aware that all who are reading aren't friends. Some people read what you write so that they can turn your own words against you and make them something they are not. I am all about love and kindness. My mind can't compete against those who have ulterior motives and who try to mess with people's minds. My mind is messed up enough--it doesn't need extra messing.
Since I am de-junking my brain I needed to get this part out so that I can move on. I have let bullies manipulate me in the past. My personality is such that I'm an easy target. I am a people pleaser. I think that might be hardwired into me~we are all wired in different ways. As I get older I see that I need to protect myself more. I need to step back from those who don't have my best interest in mind, I need to stand up for myself and not let myself be bullied into situations that make me uncomfortable. There is a slight chance that my blog posts are still being monitored and scrutinized. If this is the case I will leave a message. I will never mention your name or your business in this or in any of my posts. I am not and never have been a vindictive person. Have a nice life, good luck in your business and try hard to be the person you advertise yourself to be. Once my son asked me why his friend bragged so much to everyone about how much better of a soccer player he was. It hurt my son's feelings because in his mind they were both good and he didn't understand why the friend had to brag to everyone about not only how good he was but how much better he was than my son. I explained to him that if you really are good then you don't have to tell everyone about how good you are--people are smart and will be able to see it without being told. If you feel you need to tell people how good you are then you are trying to convince yourself.
As I said--unclogging my brain is a major undertaking that goes in all different directions. There is a chance that no one will ever read any of this and that is fine by me. I need to get out of this funk and move forward with life. My goals are surviving the closing of both houses, moving, getting rid of at least half of the stuff in storage so that life is more streamlined, getting more confident in my current job, picking up another part-time job to help with the bills, make sure my friends and family don't forget I'm still kicking and to just live a simple life full of love and kindness. Sappy--I know--but that is me and I have to confidently own who I am.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Who Two
If I were to be completely honest I could say that I missed the mark on achieving my goals in 2015. I weigh a little more now than I did a year ago, I am not regularly meditating and did not start attending a yoga class as planned. I am still in the same house, I don't love my job and I am not eating a consistently healthy diet. I am a year older, still chunky and still clueless as to what I want to be doing to contribute to the family income. All of those things are true but they don't paint the complete picture of my year. I hiked a few great hikes, had some pretty awesome adventures with family and friends and made dozens of amazing memories. I also kept my head up most of the time, made it through the holidays without any anti-depressants or anxiety medications, learned valuable lessons that will keep me on track for future successes and after a few dark days of brooding have a positive attitude going into 2016.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have a great collection of non-fiction books written by wise people on how to succeed, how to be happy, how to find your purpose in life, etc. These are books written by normal people who reached their goals and wanted to help others find the formula to success as well. I love the titles of these books and each one spoke to me on some level or it wouldn't be on my shelves. I actually spent the past week reading one from start to finish. Reading non-fiction isn't my favorite thing. I know it is a great way to learn, but I like diving into fiction so I can escape reality. I did not allow myself any fiction between Christmas and New Year's.
I am a fan of social media when it is used in a positive manner such as keeping in touch with friends and family, sharing pictures and marketing for your business. Networking is imperative these days to making it in any business. Everyone is connected. What I'm not a fan of is cyber bullying, scam artists and hateful ranting on public sites. Hiding behind a computer should not automatically make you immune to being a decent human being. Anonymous or not, you should still have morals and boundaries. I am constantly amazed at the ignorance, arrogance and blatant poison that people unleash on the world through chat rooms, public forums and sometimes on your own personal pages.
There are days when I wish I didn't have to censor everything that I write. I am very aware of who may be reading and how they may react to the truth of how I feel. I have learned so much about perspective this past year. The negativity that oozes at family functions and the barrage of opinions really make me want to hide away until all is quiet again. I know what is expected of me. I put on the smile, try to visit and make small talk. I just don't have the energy today. I have been under fire for two weeks. In these two days at home I want to relax and feel comfortable in my own home. I came back to re-energize. I have another hard week coming up. There are decisions to make and details to iron out as I try to keep the peace. There are those who are critical of what others are or aren't doing. Everyone has their own agenda. I am trying to step away from what I need, feel and think and do what is best for my family and my father. If I were the one in the hospital bed living the last of my days I would want those around me to care more about me than what they feel others
At a social media training for our company this past week the facilitator used the analogy of being on the right bus and in the right seat when talking about which employees should be in charge of the social media aspect of the office. You may hire the right person for your office, but do you have them doing the right job? This was a question that they asked and it made me start questioning if I am on the right bus. Okay--so I have a few buses and I need to figure out if I should be on any of them!
I am a big fan of self-help books. I own dozens. I honestly can't tell you if I've actually ever read one. I think I'm a fan of the idea of self-help books. I'm also a fan of their titles. Why read the book when the title already makes you think? I prefer fiction since make-believe is usually better than the real thing. Finding the right bus should be the title of a self-help book, maybe it already is. There are articles that talk about inviting the right people to join you on your bus. Sometimes I think I want to be a bus driver. I am happy in the passenger seat as long as I get to sit near the front. I get sick in the back of the bus.
One of my self-help books has the premise of doing what you love. If you are passionate about it, you can find a way to make money doing it. Great thought, but one that I haven't figured out. I think it has been hard for me to figure out what I am passionate about. I have been taking note lately and find that soccer, rescuing animals (specifically dogs), helping people, reading and writing are the things that I gravitate towards.
Several months ago I went to a class through work where they used a popular analogy that I hadn't actually heard before. When I Googled it I found that as usual I was behind the times, but I liked it. They wanted to make sure that the employees were all in the right seats on the bus. I knew right away that I was sitting in the wrong seat and started wondering if I was even on the right bus. I figured out quickly that I wasn't. The problem is how do you find the right bus? So many buses look alike! I am exiting this particular bus tomorrow and planning to board another next week. Thankfully life is a journey and if the next bus doesn't seem to be going in the right direction I can always signal the driver and exit that bus as well. Who knows, maybe the driver will find that I don't fit in on his bus and will ask me to get off. I really do want to find a nice comfortable seat with a good view on the correct bus and sit there for awhile. I have bus hopped for years due to my need for part-time and flexible buses. I took some short road trips and had a few bumpy rides. The last bus that I really liked crashed. That was a bummer. Thankfully I only suffered a few bumps and bruises and was able to catch another bus that was supposed to be temporary; I got comfortable and stayed a little longer than I intended. There are times when I daydream of driving my own bus. Buses are expensive though and maintaining them can be complicated. I am better off just continuing my search for the right one with a seat that fits me well.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have a great collection of non-fiction books written by wise people on how to succeed, how to be happy, how to find your purpose in life, etc. These are books written by normal people who reached their goals and wanted to help others find the formula to success as well. I love the titles of these books and each one spoke to me on some level or it wouldn't be on my shelves. I actually spent the past week reading one from start to finish. Reading non-fiction isn't my favorite thing. I know it is a great way to learn, but I like diving into fiction so I can escape reality. I did not allow myself any fiction between Christmas and New Year's.
I am a fan of social media when it is used in a positive manner such as keeping in touch with friends and family, sharing pictures and marketing for your business. Networking is imperative these days to making it in any business. Everyone is connected. What I'm not a fan of is cyber bullying, scam artists and hateful ranting on public sites. Hiding behind a computer should not automatically make you immune to being a decent human being. Anonymous or not, you should still have morals and boundaries. I am constantly amazed at the ignorance, arrogance and blatant poison that people unleash on the world through chat rooms, public forums and sometimes on your own personal pages.
There are days when I wish I didn't have to censor everything that I write. I am very aware of who may be reading and how they may react to the truth of how I feel. I have learned so much about perspective this past year. The negativity that oozes at family functions and the barrage of opinions really make me want to hide away until all is quiet again. I know what is expected of me. I put on the smile, try to visit and make small talk. I just don't have the energy today. I have been under fire for two weeks. In these two days at home I want to relax and feel comfortable in my own home. I came back to re-energize. I have another hard week coming up. There are decisions to make and details to iron out as I try to keep the peace. There are those who are critical of what others are or aren't doing. Everyone has their own agenda. I am trying to step away from what I need, feel and think and do what is best for my family and my father. If I were the one in the hospital bed living the last of my days I would want those around me to care more about me than what they feel others
At a social media training for our company this past week the facilitator used the analogy of being on the right bus and in the right seat when talking about which employees should be in charge of the social media aspect of the office. You may hire the right person for your office, but do you have them doing the right job? This was a question that they asked and it made me start questioning if I am on the right bus. Okay--so I have a few buses and I need to figure out if I should be on any of them!
I am a big fan of self-help books. I own dozens. I honestly can't tell you if I've actually ever read one. I think I'm a fan of the idea of self-help books. I'm also a fan of their titles. Why read the book when the title already makes you think? I prefer fiction since make-believe is usually better than the real thing. Finding the right bus should be the title of a self-help book, maybe it already is. There are articles that talk about inviting the right people to join you on your bus. Sometimes I think I want to be a bus driver. I am happy in the passenger seat as long as I get to sit near the front. I get sick in the back of the bus.
One of my self-help books has the premise of doing what you love. If you are passionate about it, you can find a way to make money doing it. Great thought, but one that I haven't figured out. I think it has been hard for me to figure out what I am passionate about. I have been taking note lately and find that soccer, rescuing animals (specifically dogs), helping people, reading and writing are the things that I gravitate towards.
Several months ago I went to a class through work where they used a popular analogy that I hadn't actually heard before. When I Googled it I found that as usual I was behind the times, but I liked it. They wanted to make sure that the employees were all in the right seats on the bus. I knew right away that I was sitting in the wrong seat and started wondering if I was even on the right bus. I figured out quickly that I wasn't. The problem is how do you find the right bus? So many buses look alike! I am exiting this particular bus tomorrow and planning to board another next week. Thankfully life is a journey and if the next bus doesn't seem to be going in the right direction I can always signal the driver and exit that bus as well. Who knows, maybe the driver will find that I don't fit in on his bus and will ask me to get off. I really do want to find a nice comfortable seat with a good view on the correct bus and sit there for awhile. I have bus hopped for years due to my need for part-time and flexible buses. I took some short road trips and had a few bumpy rides. The last bus that I really liked crashed. That was a bummer. Thankfully I only suffered a few bumps and bruises and was able to catch another bus that was supposed to be temporary; I got comfortable and stayed a little longer than I intended. There are times when I daydream of driving my own bus. Buses are expensive though and maintaining them can be complicated. I am better off just continuing my search for the right one with a seat that fits me well.
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