If I were to be completely honest I could say that I missed the mark on achieving my goals in 2015. I weigh a little more now than I did a year ago, I am not regularly meditating and did not start attending a yoga class as planned. I am still in the same house, I don't love my job and I am not eating a consistently healthy diet. I am a year older, still chunky and still clueless as to what I want to be doing to contribute to the family income. All of those things are true but they don't paint the complete picture of my year. I hiked a few great hikes, had some pretty awesome adventures with family and friends and made dozens of amazing memories. I also kept my head up most of the time, made it through the holidays without any anti-depressants or anxiety medications, learned valuable lessons that will keep me on track for future successes and after a few dark days of brooding have a positive attitude going into 2016.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have a great collection of non-fiction books written by wise people on how to succeed, how to be happy, how to find your purpose in life, etc. These are books written by normal people who reached their goals and wanted to help others find the formula to success as well. I love the titles of these books and each one spoke to me on some level or it wouldn't be on my shelves. I actually spent the past week reading one from start to finish. Reading non-fiction isn't my favorite thing. I know it is a great way to learn, but I like diving into fiction so I can escape reality. I did not allow myself any fiction between Christmas and New Year's.
I am a fan of social media when it is used in a positive manner such as keeping in touch with friends and family, sharing pictures and marketing for your business. Networking is imperative these days to making it in any business. Everyone is connected. What I'm not a fan of is cyber bullying, scam artists and hateful ranting on public sites. Hiding behind a computer should not automatically make you immune to being a decent human being. Anonymous or not, you should still have morals and boundaries. I am constantly amazed at the ignorance, arrogance and blatant poison that people unleash on the world through chat rooms, public forums and sometimes on your own personal pages.
There are days when I wish I didn't have to censor everything that I write. I am very aware of who may be reading and how they may react to the truth of how I feel. I have learned so much about perspective this past year. The negativity that oozes at family functions and the barrage of opinions really make me want to hide away until all is quiet again. I know what is expected of me. I put on the smile, try to visit and make small talk. I just don't have the energy today. I have been under fire for two weeks. In these two days at home I want to relax and feel comfortable in my own home. I came back to re-energize. I have another hard week coming up. There are decisions to make and details to iron out as I try to keep the peace. There are those who are critical of what others are or aren't doing. Everyone has their own agenda. I am trying to step away from what I need, feel and think and do what is best for my family and my father. If I were the one in the hospital bed living the last of my days I would want those around me to care more about me than what they feel others
At a social media training for our company this past week the facilitator used the analogy of being on the right bus and in the right seat when talking about which employees should be in charge of the social media aspect of the office. You may hire the right person for your office, but do you have them doing the right job? This was a question that they asked and it made me start questioning if I am on the right bus. Okay--so I have a few buses and I need to figure out if I should be on any of them!
I am a big fan of self-help books. I own dozens. I honestly can't tell you if I've actually ever read one. I think I'm a fan of the idea of self-help books. I'm also a fan of their titles. Why read the book when the title already makes you think? I prefer fiction since make-believe is usually better than the real thing. Finding the right bus should be the title of a self-help book, maybe it already is. There are articles that talk about inviting the right people to join you on your bus. Sometimes I think I want to be a bus driver. I am happy in the passenger seat as long as I get to sit near the front. I get sick in the back of the bus.
One of my self-help books has the premise of doing what you love. If you are passionate about it, you can find a way to make money doing it. Great thought, but one that I haven't figured out. I think it has been hard for me to figure out what I am passionate about. I have been taking note lately and find that soccer, rescuing animals (specifically dogs), helping people, reading and writing are the things that I gravitate towards.
Several months ago I went to a class through work where they used a popular analogy that I hadn't actually heard before. When I Googled it I found that as usual I was behind the times, but I liked it. They wanted to make sure that the employees were all in the right seats on the bus. I knew right away that I was sitting in the wrong seat and started wondering if I was even on the right bus. I figured out quickly that I wasn't. The problem is how do you find the right bus? So many buses look alike! I am exiting this particular bus tomorrow and planning to board another next week. Thankfully life is a journey and if the next bus doesn't seem to be going in the right direction I can always signal the driver and exit that bus as well. Who knows, maybe the driver will find that I don't fit in on his bus and will ask me to get off. I really do want to find a nice comfortable seat with a good view on the correct bus and sit there for awhile. I have bus hopped for years due to my need for part-time and flexible buses. I took some short road trips and had a few bumpy rides. The last bus that I really liked crashed. That was a bummer. Thankfully I only suffered a few bumps and bruises and was able to catch another bus that was supposed to be temporary; I got comfortable and stayed a little longer than I intended. There are times when I daydream of driving my own bus. Buses are expensive though and maintaining them can be complicated. I am better off just continuing my search for the right one with a seat that fits me well.
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