Dear Jordy,
Twenty three months ago you changed our lives. Most people don't realize that one action can change everything. In Chaos Theory it is called the Butterfly Effect. In your case it was a larger action, but an action all the same. In January of 2013 there was a soccer tournament in Beaverton. It should have been a very routine first tournament of the season. My son Kyle was set to start for the A team under a new coach. He was excited and I was nervous. I don't usually get nervous but that day I was. I stayed back in the truck to pray for both teams because I felt strongly that something was going to happen. You are a very aggressive player. This can be good at times, but frustration and aggression can be a dangerous combination. You were frustrated in the first half and I told those around me that if the ref didn't start controlling the game you were going to hurt someone. In the second half Kyle was playing very well. So well that the coach did not pull him as he planned. He was going to give him a rest but decided that a few more minutes wouldn't hurt since he was having such a great game. I only looked away for a minute. I greeted a friend. When I turned back a player was down on the field. I didn't see the hit when it happened. I saw it later on video. A late hit, a hard hit with no whistle from the ref. It took me a second to realize that it was my son down. Usually when he is hurt he doesn't like to have attention on him. He will get back up then signal the coach that he needs a sub. He didn't get up that day. He couldn't get up. He heard four distinct pops as he went down. He had to pretty much be carried to the truck. This is a nightmare for a soccer player. Especially one that worked hard year round because he wanted to be the best he could be. He didn't expect a big scholarship, but he had hoped for a small one to a small school so that he could continue playing the game he loves. Those dreams didn't die that day. On that day there was still hope.
The next time we played your team you went out of your way to make fun of him. You and your friends pretended to kick one another and held your knees saying "oh my ACL, my ACL". This is what has made me angry. The hit was part of soccer. It happens. Refs let games go, players get hurt--it happens every day. The cruelty and disrespect were what stayed with me. The thought that you could leave another player with deep scars that he will carry forever and not even apologize or wish him well in his recovery. Did you ever give any thought to your actions?
Luckily Kyle is an amazing person with a big heart and a genuine love for the game. He couldn't get back on the field but he did attend practices and games with his teams, cheered them on and gave support. He first hoped to be back on the field his Junior year. He was recovering well when a wrong move tore his graft. He was bummed and blamed himself. The next surgery was done to get him back for his senior year. It had to be done in two stages which meant two surgeries and twice as much pain. He did everything right, worked hard and believed there was still a chance to play. He did get to play three games. He could only play partial games because they wanted him to come back slowly. He looked good, he felt good--in the fourth game it tore again. He knew his senior year was not lost as well as any hope for a small scholarship. We took him to a new surgeon to find out why the grafts weren't taking. He was hit harder in the initial injury than anyone had guessed. The MCL was damaged which meant that any ACL that was attached would fail because it wasn't getting the support it needed. He went through three surgeries and lost two hamstrings before this diagnosis was made. Yesterday he went in for the fourth time. They could not do it all in one surgery which means a fifth surgery will happen in 2015. You have probably forgotten all about that fast kid that you took out in 2013, but he hasn't forgotten you. He has pretty much forgiven you because he has a big heart. He just wishes that you would have told him you were sorry. Now his ordeal will continue. It will be almost two and half years from the injury when he goes in for his final surgery. It will take another two years to heal. The next surgery is more invasive than any of the prior surgeries and much more painful.
He has changed direction. He will study physical therapy and sports medicine. He will help players with sports injuries. Maybe he will be able to get many of them back on the field where he wants to be. He will coach someday as well and will be an excellent coach. He will not only teach the game but teach sportsmanship and compassion also. Soccer isn't just about winning and losing. It is a game that is supposed to teach you life skills. You may not have had the right coach for those qualities. For that I am sorry. Kyle has had awesome coaches who were great role models.
Today I am going to let go completely of anything that I have held onto. Any animosity that I have felt towards you, the ref, your coach and the powers that be that came together that day. His coach needs to let go of his guilt for not pulling him out sooner. I need to let go of my guilt for not knowing that my sense of dread was aimed directly at my son. What could we have done differently? The outcome is what it is. We have learned and we have grown. I pray that you will learn and grow as well. I hope that as you graduate this year and go out into the world that you will learn other ways to vent your anger and frustrations. I pray that you will learn to be caring and compassionate. I want good things for you in the future just as I want good things for everyone. Your actions broke my heart but I underestimated my son's strength and determination. He is a fighter and will make it through all of this a stronger person with his own scars to show future patients~he's been there, he can relate. He lost a dream, but realized that there are other dreams. Life isn't always fair, but there are always new possibilities.
No comments:
Post a Comment