Last week I was chided by a good friend when I referred to my figure as that of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I don't really mean to beat myself up, it is just that I tend to handle life with humor. I need to laugh sometimes so I don't cry. Crying is no fun and what's the point in crying over spilt milk? I have been a chunky chick for awhile now and it isn't then end of the world. Well, I didn't think it was the end of the world until I started gaining even more weight almost effortlessly. Why does it come on so easily and then refuse to come off. I knew I was gaining weight. I shunned the scale for months. I was right around the 230 mark when my dad got sick last year. I was unhappy there and wanted to get below 200. I got sidetracked. I thought I had gained about 10-12 pounds. I wish--not really--but 10-12 would be so much more acceptable than the actual 26 pounds that I gained. In the past few months I have grown more sluggish, have had weird dizzy spells and have had to start sleeping with a CPAP due to sleep Apnea. I never had these issues before. I don't think it is all age related. I firmly believe that weight is a giant issue that is starting to catch up with me. Until recently my doctor has been amazed at what great health I've been in. I can almost see that little thought bubble saying "wow, you are amazingly healthy for a fat person". She is much too nice to say that out loud, but sometimes it isn't hard to read minds!
A lot has been happening these past months. Job change, house decisions and life have side tracked me. I am easily distracted when I don't want to deal with something. I have started dealing with the weight a few times before but have just not really put the time and effort into it. The most important part of weight loss is finding what works for you personally and then believing in yourself to be able to follow through. Follow through isn't always my strong point. Look at the half written book I have lying around and then the others that are in various stages. Someday I may shock and amaze us all and actually finish one. Yes--I am digressing--I do that often.
In the past I have been successful only when I have felt fully in control of my plan. I have spent hours and money on programs, meal plans, diet books and hypnosis. Each worked to varying degrees. The only thing that is going to help me to succeed is a life change. I have been laying the ground work for that over the past few weeks. I was planning weight loss before I stepped on the scale and saw that awful number that made me cry. It is what it is and all that it means is that I am going to have to work a little harder and lose a little more. In preparation for this journey I have bought the dogs great walking harnesses, bought new walking shoes, planned a few hikes, have my fit bit up and running and sketched out a plan. This plan is including a product that my friend is currently using and selling. It is something that is working for her. I don't know if it will work for me yet. I am giving it a try for 8 weeks and will be happy to tell you all about it if I achieve results. The bottom line though is finding what works for you. Everyone is different and each individual has to find their own motivation, tools and will power.
This year I turn 50. It seems a little scary, but I'm handling it okay. I do look at it as me entering the third quarter. There will be no fourth quarter if I don't get a handle on my weight. If I want another 25-50 years of quality living it is time for me to start putting more effort into the upkeep of this body. It is going to wear out if I put too much more stress on it. Finding a healthy weight, more energy, better balance and moments of pure joy are going to do wonders for however much time I have left. I am in trouble at home for talking about my future demise, but death is part of life. We all will do it eventually. I want to make sure that there are as few regrets as possible. I will not let my weight, my lack of self confidence or my fear of failure keep me from doing anything that I really want to do.
Yes--part of this is a pep talk! Affirmations, quotes, all of that are part of me reminding myself that I am moving forward. There is no room for past failures or disappointments to hinder the journey. Some days I will fall on my face. That is okay. It isn't a race--it is life and letting go of anything negative will help me as I work to change old patterns. :) When I post the motivational stuff it is because it resounded with me and may also help others out there. I am all about helping one another achieve our goals whatever they may be. Hopefully they are all positive ones!!
So my fit bit has my goals in it. I need to get under 200 pounds and stay under for the rest of my life. My doctor says that 190 is a great weight for me. I am a size 12 at 190 and have a lot of energy. Personally I would like to hit 175 but weight is just a number. It is how my clothes fit, my energy level and quality of life that will be the key to feeling successful in all of this. I made a Face book group page attached to my regular page for anyone interested in following the journey and helping to hold me accountable. My fit bit seems to think that I can get to 190 by December. We will see. It needs to give room for user error! I am tracking my water, steps and calories through it. A big thing for me is to cut back to almost no sugar. I am so addicted to sugar and it is NOT my friend. I have had little to no sugar in two days. I'm not missing it too much at the moment. I did manage to walk past three chocolate cookies for two days until Kyle threw them away so they didn't continue to tempt me!
Let the journey begin--hopefully I won't fall off of the cliff this time around! :)
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