Savor the Silver Linings

In a perfect world there would be plenty of extra hours to do all of the things on my to do list as well as an abundance of energy to ensure that I'm able to make it all happen. My world is far from perfect so here I sit trying to figure out which of the dozens of blog ideas floating around in my head will finally get typed into reality. It has been a few months since I've sat in front of a blank screen to actually unclog my brain. I have what my meditation guru calls Monkey Brain. It is constantly going 1000 miles per hour in several different directions. When I don't take time to sit and clear it out my head spins in circles and I feel completely overwhelmed. Needless to say I haven't meditated, blogged, hiked or done any of the things recently that help calm me down and keep me sane. I haven't fallen over the edge into insanity yet thankfully! Today I am taking a bit of time out of this gloriously sunny day to breathe, think and regroup.

For those of you who have read my blogs before, thank you. I don't actually write with the intention that anyone will ever actually read it. I am always hopeful that if my words do find their way to someone that they glean something helpful or at least a bit entertaining from anything I have to say.

My year has been complicated a bit so far by my dogs who are no longer on speaking terms, my children who are all planning to move shortly and by my desire to juggle several projects at once. I will address the dogs in a separate blog since that is an ongoing drama that will hopefully get a happy ending in the next six to eight weeks. My fingers are crossed that my children find fitting apartments and be settled in during that time frame as well. I worry about my kids--most moms do. I know they will be fine but I give myself a little time each day to worry about them. I say a few prayers, shoo away the worst case scenario visions that cross my brain and hope for the best.

They say that settling into a new home takes at least a year. I believe it. We have been in Canby now for over 9 months. There is still a mountain of boxes in the garage, projects that need to be done in order to finish unpacking and a wish list a mile long. We are slowly getting there but some days it all just makes me tired. I love our house, our neighborhood and our new community--I just don't feel settled yet. Maybe getting the dogs situated, getting the kids' stuff out of the mountain in the garage and finding time to sit back and relax will help.

In the midst of worrying over dogs and kids I am working more than I was, slowly losing weight, trying to maneuver my way through Ancestry.Com to work on genealogy, planning a couple of big trips, attempting to be a productive member of the paranormal group I belong to, falling behind on putting the reunion together for this summer and beating myself up over being a bad daughter, mother, mother-in-law, grandma, niece, sister and friend to all of those who are wondering where the Hell I've been. I usually read 1-2 books per week--I haven't read a book in over a month. I have hundreds of pictures sitting in the media room waiting for me to do a picture project that has been on my to do list for the past three years. The project moved with us and is still taunting me! I really, really need to remember the lessons from my stress management class on time management skills. There aren't enough hours in the day--damn me for needing sleep! Just typing all of this makes me want a nap. Looking at my calendar I can possibly manage a nap after the Timbers play on Mother's Day afternoon.  If it is sunny though we may need to get some yard work done at that time!

So far it seems all I'm doing is whining about all of the things I have to do and not having the time to do them. I need to turn all of that around. I am super blessed to have children and dogs to worry about. I am lucky to be healthy and to have hobbies that keep me busy. I am happy to  have friends and relatives who would like to see me and hundreds of pictures that represent memories. Yes-I am tired. Yes-I am overwhelmed. I am also grateful for my life and every little detail--good and bad.

It is very important to take a bit of time each day to be grateful. We take so much for granted and sometimes the stress of the day takes the shine off of what we are so lucky to have. I am really trying to focus more on being grateful, kind and positive. Keeping a positive outlook changes not only your attitude but the attitude of those around you. We went through a lot of craziness to end up in this beautiful new home so how can I be unhappy about the amount of time it is taking to settle in? I'm not unhappy. I had unrealistic expectations of my ability to get certain things done in a set amount of time. No one is timing me though--life isn't a race. I will get the projects done when I get them done. I will lose weight when I lose weight. I will do my best to spend quality time with family and friends. I will be the best dog mom that I can be and I will savor the silver linings. There is a sky filled with clouds but every damn one of them has a silver lining if you look for it.