Detoxing My Brain.......

In my quest to stay out of political conversations and to keep my head down so that it isn't chopped off I seem to have failed. I sat down to write a totally different blog. It was not political, it was light and funny. That didn't come out when I started typing though. I blog to clear my mind of whatever is buried there so I guess I need to get this out to clear the clutter and help me to breathe again. I am pretty scared of the backlash. I guess I should be thankful that not many people read what I write so I may be relatively safe. If I offend you with my thoughts I apologize. I have spent my life keeping certain opinions to myself. I guess today a few have decided that they need to slip out. They are just that, opinions that are my own based on my personal perspective. My perspective may be skewed but it is what it is.

As inauguration day draws near I find myself more anxious and overwhelmed than ever. I try very, very hard to stay away from all politics and have no desire to get into a debate with anyone since I  absolutely hate conflict and try to avoid it at all costs. It's hard to stay quiet when life has become some bizarre Twilight Zone episode. It seems that with this last election those of us who are more sensitive to energy have to tread lightly to keep from being consumed by the negativity that surrounds us. It is not my intention to open up a storm of raging hatred upon myself by those who see my thoughts and worries as a direct attack on them personally. This is America. Everyone is supposed to be entitled to their own opinion. These days opinions are not respected by all and in voicing one you could find yourself ridiculed, shunned and attacked. Families have been divided, friendships lost and violence has broken out because for some reason this election has been especially volatile. I'm not sure if this is due to the fact that our choices were crappy or that social media and those who spin the news have helped incite rage by fanning the flames. Most of the time I deal with stress by finding humor in a situation. I'm not feeling very humorous and light-hearted today. I feel this sense of doom that comes from uncertainty and not being able to believe that a corrupt government can be fixed by a corrupt man. I realize that most politicians are corrupt. If you wanted to give the office to someone who wasn't a politician why give it to businessman who has been linked to corruption as well? I know, we were between a rock and a hard place with no viable candidates. I have heard all of that. How did we get there? How did having the most money become the way that we elect a president? With all of the social injustices in the US I don't see how throwing millions of dollars into campaign funds and buying votes makes for getting the best possible leadership. I am perplexed but maybe it is just my ignorance and the fact that I am labeled a liberal makes me question the system. I admit that I wear rose colored glasses the majority of the time. When you are as empathetic as me you have to block out negative energy to keep yourself from being consumed.

I have been perfectly happy in past years ignoring politics and just letting whatever will be, be. I'm trying to do that now for my own sanity but I find myself worrying about big changes in policies and wondering what will happen to all of us with such a radical transition happening. Change is good they say and some changes are. I am having a hard time finding the good in the aftermath of this circus of an election  There were the months of name calling and mud slinging. We already knew that our choices weren't stellar but to say that these were the best two candidates in a country full of people is sad on many levels. I know many of you believe in the candidates and what they stand for. With dark clouds over both it seems that they could have thrown money at a more viable candidate who though not squeaky clean could have had a bit less dirt to dig and a few less skeletons in the closet. Why is it that followers of these candidates put blinders on and make excuses for poor behavior? I voted for Hilary. I know that she is far from perfect but she seemed the lesser of two evils. I have family members who vehemently oppose Hilary and get very passionate when railing against her. These same family members believe that Obama has been detrimental to our country. I don't see that but I do know that everyone has an opinion and that it is divided by some with a complete black and white certainty that leaves no room for gray areas or discussion of pros versus cons. I am reminded of being told as a child that this is the way it is because I said so. 

My candidate lost. I am not whining because I am on the losing side. I am not really whining at all. I am voicing concerns that to me are valid. I do not understand how this happened. When I first heard that Trump was running for president I thought it was a joke or a publicity stunt. Anyone but him-why are people enamored with this man and how did he get people to buy what he was selling. He is a business man-he used marketing techniques and sold snake oil. He doesn't like to lose so he said whatever he had to say to win. He doesn't really have to keep all of those promises, he just had to make them in order to get what he wanted. That happens every day in every way. Any good con artist or scammer can sell you an ideal that you dream of whether it really exists or not. How many people are going to be stubborn and stand by as promises are not fulfilled and make excuses? How many people are going to end up feeling duped when things don't really change? How many millionaires is he going to cater to and give positions to? We say that we want a leader who can help the poor and working class. How do candidates who have never lived hand to mouth or paycheck to paycheck understand the struggles that those who are not wealthy go through. The decisions of whether to pay the electric bill or the water bill? We are supposed to be the land of opportunity but opportunity is only to be had at a cost. 

I try hard to always see both sides of the story, to look at things from every perspective. I can't see the good here. I see a number of people rallying behind a man that they believe in, a man who has always seemed vulgar and ruthless to me. I see a bigoted, narcissistic, cruel man out for his own glory. Someone who is respected because of his wealth not his integrity. His remarks towards women, his actions towards women and listening to how he talks about his own daughter make my skin crawl. If I were to say this to him directly he would just say that I am an old, fat woman who no one would want to nail anyway. I have no desire to be seen as a sex object and neither do the majority of the women of this country. I have a hard time understanding how his behaviors can be so easily overlooked by those who believe he will be a great leader. A great leader is someone who earns respect by having integrity and natural leadership ability. Being a bully with dictatorship skills doesn't go with the campaign slogan of Making America Great Again. If by great that means that we are seen by other countries as the ugly Americans who are even more loud, ignorant and entitled than ever.

The world is changing fast and we have been lax on trying to keep up. Our system of doing things is antiquated and based on old laws that don't really apply anymore. Technology and social media have brought a whole new element that those who built this country could never have dreamed of. We do need change and I realize that change is what the majority of the Trump supporters are looking for. I hope that I am wrong about this man. I hope that my fears are unwarranted and that America can be great again. I want our president and our government to succeed. I have never felt satisfaction in saying "I told you so." I would like to see racial tensions, the constant threat of terror and the attacks on our police agencies eliminated. I would like to see better programs for the poor that help them to become educated, find employment and succeed instead of being caught in cycle that gives them little opportunity to better themselves. Drugs, gangs, human trafficking--there are so many terrible things that need to be fought but we seem to turn a blind eye to those in order to be outraged by gay marriage, transgender bathrooms and other issues that our non-religious based government find to be more important issues. 

Okay, It seems my rant is going in all kinds of directions now and I could be here all day. I never intended to start a rant and am still trying to decide if I will even post it. I probably need to just to prove to myself that actually stating my opinion can be done. I meant to write about looking ahead and planning for sunnier days. It is hard to think of those sunnier days when it seems that we are all holding our breath. How do we stay positive? I know that for my own mental well being I have been working to limit time on social media. The live streaming of violence, the stories of cruelty and neglect of children and animals and so much hate coming through leave me feeling hopeless. I try to scroll past those stories and spend my time keeping up with friends, encouraging people and reminding everyone that kindness is still an important thing in such a cruel world. I just need to remember that I am not a super hero and its not my job to save everyone. I do hope to inspire and encourage others to believe in the power of love, to keep dreaming and to pay it forward. I have to stop apologizing for who I am, what I believe in and accept that there are people who won't get me. That's okay. Time to put my rose colored glasses back on and head out into the world.