When it comes to Hell everyone has their own version of what it is. Some believe that we are actually in Hell right now as we speak living out our feeble existence while we attempt to work our way back into the good graces of the powers that be. Most of us were taught that Hell is a fiery inferno where we spend eternity burning along with millions of other dammed souls who deigned to unworthy. That means that our Loving God has filled the pit with tiny unbaptized souls mixed in with shoplifters, tax evaders, liars and mass murderers. The truly evil rubbing burning elbows with those whose only crime may have been ignorance. I have a hard time with the concept of Hell. I believe each individual has their own private Hell which looks completely different from the private Hell of most everyone around them. My husbands Hell would be filled with snakes, my daughters would have spiders--there are no video games in the Hell's of my sons. Blasphemous as I am, Hell to me is a Shopping Mall.
As a teen I'm sure that I flocked to shopping malls like they were Mecca--the land of milk and honey. The smell of fried food mixed in with perfume samples and sweaty bodies. The loud, boisterous energy of avid shoppers seeking nirvana in a pair of shoes or a purse. A place where the right pair of jeans could make me feel like I could conquer the world. Plastic cards could get me anything my heart desired and I had until the next billing cycle before I felt like crap and wondered what I was thinking. As I grew older the mall slowly became less of a fairy tale castle and more like the Nine Circles of Hell. Yesterday when I wanted to be home in my sweats I was forced to go to the Mall. It wasn't for anything I needed. My bank balance doesn't allow for me to need anything this week. To amuse myself as we tromped through the weekend shoppers I imagined the Nine Circles of Hell in my head and found them all around me.
The First Circle is limbo. A place between worlds where the unbaptized and virtuous pagans waste countless hours between paychecks wondering if that coveted pair of shoes will still be on sale next week. Between paychecks is a Hell unto itself when you live from one to the next in limbo. You dread the gas light, pray the milk will hold out and cringe when a necessity breaks, rips or dies making it impossible to keep from dipping into the bill money. Limbo is a place I know well and can usually be found since the coveted pair of shoes is not a necessity and wishing for them takes me into the Second Circle which is lust. Lusting for a pair of Converse. What kind of mother does that? Especially a mother of my age. I should have outgrown my lust for Converse twenty years ago. But no, Converse, Toms and cute flats all call my name from different stores as I try to keep my head down and eyes averted. Lusting for shoes drives me to the Third Circle which is Gluttony. I am a glutton for shoes it is true, but at the mall I am also be a glutton for Cinnabon, Jamba Juice and Sbarros and would gladly partake of all of them if my checkbook would allow it. Drinking a Peach Perfection Smoothie while dipping a hot slice of Sbarro cheese and mushroom pizza into ranch sauce and smelling the Cinnabon Mini which would be the scrumptious. For now it is a Hellish, Lustful, Gluttonous daydream because I am in the between paycheck limbo that takes up most of my life.
After Limbo, Lust and Gluttony comes Greed. Would I really be greedy enough to buy shoes and pig out at the mall when there are bills to pay? If I was greedy, yes. My greed for extra money to buy frivolous things when we have real needs makes me angry. Anger is fitting since it is the Fifth Circle of Hell. I spend a lot of time being angry at myself for not bringing in more extra money for wants instead of needs. The anger is not productive. It makes me lose all hope and all motivation. When I am not motivated I write blasphemous blogs in my head that take me in the sixth circle of heresy. My beliefs deviate too far from the norm to make me anything less than a heretic. As a heretic I will enter the sixth circle of Hell even though I haven't even left the mall. I am still here wishing for shoes, hungry for things that I can't have and angry that I didn't have the foresight to get a better paying job sooner. My violent thoughts of the Mall being Hell and all of the shoppers being burning zombies skirt me around the outside of the seventh circle which is violence. I am not really a violent person, so can't actually traipse through the center of this circle but I can see the violent nature of the Mall. The Mall is full of masses of unfriendly looking packs of rabid shoppers who just might tear one another limb for limb for the last pair of sparkly black Toms in a size 9 or that perfect pair of Chucks. Not me of course. I have patience and am used to just lustfully ogling them with greedy eyes.
The eighth circle is Fraud. Fraud runs rampant in the mall. I am a fraud for being a chunky middle aged woman wanting Chucks. I am a teenager trapped in this body that I would never have chosen for myself. If the real me was out in the open instead of this chunky imposter--she would be youngish, athletic and wearing Levi's, a t-shirt and Chucks. This chunky gal is a fraud. Probably most of the people here would rather be different so we are all frauds. Of course there are actual criminals at the mall as well. People more fraudulent than me and the other wishers. There are identity thieves, shoplifters, scammers and liars who actually reside in the Eighth Circle. Treachery is the Ninth and Final Circle of Hell. The mall is full of traitors. I am a traitor for even thinking about spending any extra money on myself. The other traitors can pig out at the food court, charge extravagant luxuries and pretend to be whoever they want. I walk out of the mall in a myriad of emotions that are all negative and unflattering. For a person trying to have a positive outlook on life I decide the Mall is definitely an unhealthy place for me. It reminds me of every flaw and personality trait that I loathe. Unfortunately I caught my reflection in a full length mirror as we were walking by and that is NEVER a good thing. Just being in the mall makes me grumpy and impatient. I survived the trip this time around. I am hoping that it will be several months before I am forced to forge my way through the Nine Circles of Hell again. There is only so much Hell I can take.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Frustration, Degradation and Growing Pains.........
Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I wrote the most awesome blog. I was able to pinpoint exactly what I needed to say this week and I found the perfect words to portray exactly how I felt. I wrote it in my head and as I drifted off to sleep I hit the save button in my brain so that I could wake up this morning and type it all up on my computer. Unfortunately the save button in my brain has been malfunctioning more and more lately. It loses little words, names and thoughts now and then. It seems that my brain needs to be rebooted and could use a few upgrades as well. Now I will let my brain loose and let it ramble. Sorry that I am in such a self-depreciating mood. This one may not be pretty. I need to purge the negative so that I can start next week on a better note and accomplish the things I need to accomplish. We are all constantly growing and changing. Unfortunately growth and change can be painful. Letting go has always been hard for me.
Lately I feel more and more like I am stuck on a giant hamster wheel. I run hard each day but never get anywhere. The list of things that I want to implement into my life has not changed in three years. Those activities are still there waiting for me to find the time and space to fit them in. The number on the scale isn't changing, we are still living paycheck to paycheck and my energy level is still low because I am here in this rut and haven't tried hard enough to climb out. I am so frustrated with myself that I beat myself up each night instead of building myself up. The beat down really doesn't help the situation. Self confidence is not one of my strong points. Of course I said this all more eloquently in my head last night. In the light of day it isn't eloquent, it is stark reality and pretty words won't change what it is. I hold myself back from my own potential because it is easier to tread water here than to swim over to the unknown and possibly drown. A bit dramatic but true all the same. I know deep down that I am capable of so much more. I just let the perceptions of others drag me down. I look in the mirror and see the pale, puffy, middle aged woman that everyone else sees and forget that the outer package does not match what is inside. Those who know what is in there get frustrated when I get tripped up by the opinions of people who have no clue who I really am.
I have a tendency to overbook my life. I bury myself in busy work so that I don't have time to really think about where I am and where I should be. When I am juggling a dozen or so activities at once I don't have time to look to closely at the big picture. Like everyone I had big dreams when I was young. I wanted to go out into the world, see and experience everything and make a difference. I wanted to succeed. It didn't really matter what I succeeded at as long as I felt that I had accomplished something. The problem with me is that I never have a solid plan. I get these ideas and then dive in head first without thinking of the consequences. It is easy to look back and see where I should have planned better financially, where I should have made a better decision--should haves are huge traps that really help anything. They are just another way of making us feel like total losers. There are no do overs. And in retrospect I have made many good decisions and have accomplished small things along the way. Small things that have made a difference so I need to own them and remember that I am not a complete failure--I'm just having a bad week.
This past week I was given an assignment at one of my new jobs. The assignment had to do with adding a component to the website. It seemed straight forward enough. I put so much time and effort into trying to do this task and ended up crying with frustration, I read all types of instructions that were so far over my head, I tried to get help and in the end had to accept that only a web developer who actually builds websites could do this task. Telling my boss was difficult. She is an understanding person, but it was hard to have to admit that I had failed. At least in my own eyes I had failed. It was a task that I wasn't equipped to do from the beginning but I didn't know that. I beat myself up, sprouted stress zits and a cold sore and made my family miserable for several days while trying to make sense of the issue. My boss now wants me to work with the web developer to explain what it is we need. My brain is so fried that I don't know if I can explain it. This one thing has scared me into thinking that maybe I am not up to the job. There are many things I have done to help out but I am letting this perceived failure kick my ass. The job is doable and I am capable--it was one thing and that thing can't define me. I am not a gifted computer programmer who has awesome web building capabilities. I am a woman who knows a bit about social media and am willing to use that knowledge to help market a business. I can teach myself the basics, but some things aren't so basic.
Lately I find myself overwhelmed by the different directions that I am supposed to travel each day. I have stacked too much on my plate and have to work harder than ever to balance it all. The problem is that I feel that I am supposed to be doing something else but if I do who is going to take on all of this busy work that I have been managing for so long? I love volunteering, but my family needs me to actually bring in a check now. If I could be a professional volunteer forever I would, but I can't fill my life with it. I am in transition and for me transition has always been a scary place. The torch is slowly being passed on a couple of the activities that eat my time. I am training others to take my place and making sure that I leave things in better condition than when I found them. I am not indispensable but I do need to make sure that others are trained and there is a firm plan before I disappear into the sunset without looking back. Responsibility is one of my strong points. I am responsible for smooth transitions for others since my personal ones are rocky.
I would love to curl up and lose myself in a good book. I wish I could ignore the pile of bills that taunt me and the list of needs that have to wait until I have a steady paycheck. I can't escape through my usual means and self-destruction isn't an option. I have to grow a pair and remind myself of all of the hidden potential that I keep under lock and key. I need to McGyver a rope, a ladder or whatever it takes to get myself out of this rut and back onto a more positive path. The transitions are happening, change is coming, I need to be more patient and loving with myself and welcome change. Letting go of thoughts, habits and behaviors that hold me back are imperative to growth. I will endure the growing pains and become who it is that I am meant to be at this time in my life. I will even block out a few hours here and there on my calendar to think about it.
Lately I feel more and more like I am stuck on a giant hamster wheel. I run hard each day but never get anywhere. The list of things that I want to implement into my life has not changed in three years. Those activities are still there waiting for me to find the time and space to fit them in. The number on the scale isn't changing, we are still living paycheck to paycheck and my energy level is still low because I am here in this rut and haven't tried hard enough to climb out. I am so frustrated with myself that I beat myself up each night instead of building myself up. The beat down really doesn't help the situation. Self confidence is not one of my strong points. Of course I said this all more eloquently in my head last night. In the light of day it isn't eloquent, it is stark reality and pretty words won't change what it is. I hold myself back from my own potential because it is easier to tread water here than to swim over to the unknown and possibly drown. A bit dramatic but true all the same. I know deep down that I am capable of so much more. I just let the perceptions of others drag me down. I look in the mirror and see the pale, puffy, middle aged woman that everyone else sees and forget that the outer package does not match what is inside. Those who know what is in there get frustrated when I get tripped up by the opinions of people who have no clue who I really am.
I have a tendency to overbook my life. I bury myself in busy work so that I don't have time to really think about where I am and where I should be. When I am juggling a dozen or so activities at once I don't have time to look to closely at the big picture. Like everyone I had big dreams when I was young. I wanted to go out into the world, see and experience everything and make a difference. I wanted to succeed. It didn't really matter what I succeeded at as long as I felt that I had accomplished something. The problem with me is that I never have a solid plan. I get these ideas and then dive in head first without thinking of the consequences. It is easy to look back and see where I should have planned better financially, where I should have made a better decision--should haves are huge traps that really help anything. They are just another way of making us feel like total losers. There are no do overs. And in retrospect I have made many good decisions and have accomplished small things along the way. Small things that have made a difference so I need to own them and remember that I am not a complete failure--I'm just having a bad week.
This past week I was given an assignment at one of my new jobs. The assignment had to do with adding a component to the website. It seemed straight forward enough. I put so much time and effort into trying to do this task and ended up crying with frustration, I read all types of instructions that were so far over my head, I tried to get help and in the end had to accept that only a web developer who actually builds websites could do this task. Telling my boss was difficult. She is an understanding person, but it was hard to have to admit that I had failed. At least in my own eyes I had failed. It was a task that I wasn't equipped to do from the beginning but I didn't know that. I beat myself up, sprouted stress zits and a cold sore and made my family miserable for several days while trying to make sense of the issue. My boss now wants me to work with the web developer to explain what it is we need. My brain is so fried that I don't know if I can explain it. This one thing has scared me into thinking that maybe I am not up to the job. There are many things I have done to help out but I am letting this perceived failure kick my ass. The job is doable and I am capable--it was one thing and that thing can't define me. I am not a gifted computer programmer who has awesome web building capabilities. I am a woman who knows a bit about social media and am willing to use that knowledge to help market a business. I can teach myself the basics, but some things aren't so basic.
Lately I find myself overwhelmed by the different directions that I am supposed to travel each day. I have stacked too much on my plate and have to work harder than ever to balance it all. The problem is that I feel that I am supposed to be doing something else but if I do who is going to take on all of this busy work that I have been managing for so long? I love volunteering, but my family needs me to actually bring in a check now. If I could be a professional volunteer forever I would, but I can't fill my life with it. I am in transition and for me transition has always been a scary place. The torch is slowly being passed on a couple of the activities that eat my time. I am training others to take my place and making sure that I leave things in better condition than when I found them. I am not indispensable but I do need to make sure that others are trained and there is a firm plan before I disappear into the sunset without looking back. Responsibility is one of my strong points. I am responsible for smooth transitions for others since my personal ones are rocky.
I would love to curl up and lose myself in a good book. I wish I could ignore the pile of bills that taunt me and the list of needs that have to wait until I have a steady paycheck. I can't escape through my usual means and self-destruction isn't an option. I have to grow a pair and remind myself of all of the hidden potential that I keep under lock and key. I need to McGyver a rope, a ladder or whatever it takes to get myself out of this rut and back onto a more positive path. The transitions are happening, change is coming, I need to be more patient and loving with myself and welcome change. Letting go of thoughts, habits and behaviors that hold me back are imperative to growth. I will endure the growing pains and become who it is that I am meant to be at this time in my life. I will even block out a few hours here and there on my calendar to think about it.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Balancing, Blending and Becoming
It has been a very rough week at our house. Forgive me for unpacking the baggage in my brain so that I can continue forward. I haven't blogged a lot in the past few months and my brain is clogged with all kinds of crap that is not conducive to staying positive. My daughter is so sick of hearing me lecture her like a "motivational speaker" but something has to motivate us. When you are stuck for months you find whatever it is that can get you out of the rut. My rut has become a huge gaping canyon and I need to claw my way out before I totally suffocate. Yes--dramatic. A little exaggeration helps me to laugh at myself which in turn makes things not seem so scary and overwhelming. I am not a drama queen by nature, but use it when I need to to defuse the ticking bomb in my head that starts up when I over think absolutely everything.
My quest for balance continues as I continually forget my own new Golden Rule of taking on less and enjoying life more. I do enjoy life, don't get me wrong. I choose things that interest me, I just choose too many at a time! Balance has been an issue all of my life in every sense of the word!! Balance challenge started young with physical balance when I tried to do gymnastics and ballet with my graceful little friends. I really did try but eventually accepted that I would never be graceful and moved on to other things. My over abundance of empathy and my need to be valued led me to the very stressful job of trying to please everyone. It takes a lot of juggling and a ton of patience to attempt the impossible task of bending over backwards. I spent so much time worrying about what other people thought that I lost track of what I think. It has been an interesting year spending time getting to know what it is that I like and what I want. Some times people get mad because I don't do what they expect of me. I have let those closest to me come to depend on me too much. I don't want to all of the sudden become unavailable, but I do need to step back and let them learn to make it without me there directing every step. This has not been a popular change, but it is a necessary one.
I feel like I have been on the hamster wheel for the past few years. I go in circles. I have hopes and dreams but I don't follow through because following through is scary. Following through could lead to a catastrophic fail. Failing is bad and landing on your ass hurts. The more I procrastinate the harder it gets to move forward. I believe that I have taught this behavior to my children and that kills me. Watching them struggle makes me feel that I have failed them somehow. I realize that they are now all old enough to choose their own paths, but did I give them any of the right tools? I tried to. Parenting is a huge responsibility and a hard job. You want your children, your marriage and your sanity to survive the journey without too much damage but some collateral damage is inevitable. We all come out with a few battle scars.
My desire to avoid conflict has not helped the situation. I can disappear for hours into a good book when the path gets too rocky for me. Avoiding unpleasant situations and blending in as to not stand out have been my coping mechanisms. I try so hard to sit quietly in the corner and not draw attention to myself. Unfortunately there is the other part of me that likes to entertain people with stories. I will be sitting there being good when all of the sudden I open my mouth and it won't shut up. Stuff spills out at 1000 miles per hour. I want the ground to swallow me up but it doesn't and I am left feeling awkward because all eyes are on me. I honestly meant to keep quiet. My kid used to think I was fun and cool. Now all of the sudden I shouldn't be taken in public. I hate the fact that my teenagers find me embarrassing. I know that they would rather me be quiet and act normal, but I'm not normal. I am damaged, self-conscious and stuck in a rut. I deal with things with humor. Yeah, I know sometimes that I am the only one who finds myself funny. My kids point it out often. I am supposed to nurture them and be gentle with their fragile self-esteem, but they aren't very gentle with mine.
I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. Who and what am I supposed to become? I have been a housewife/soccer mom for so long. My life was given freely to my children. Maybe too freely. The recent conflicts with my children are the natural pains of separation that come when it is almost time to leave the nest. Growing up is harder on them in some respects. Remember that I am exaggerating so they aren't as terrible to me as I say--most of the time. I am also not the worst mother in the world though I see plenty of flaws. How come hindsight has to be so clear? I could have used a crystal ball or some sort of map. Of course my children are all completely different from one another and do not follow any typical teen scenario. We wrote our own map and my intuition was the crystal ball. We have gotten us this far. I just hope that some day they will see that my motivational speeches were done in their best interest and that my quirky sense of humor kept them entertained on more than one occasion. I will continue the quest for balance, I will keep attempting to blend in and will let myself relax and become whatever it is I am meant to become. I am not ancient yet even though I feel like I am on some days. Getting old doesn't have to be a bad thing. I need to embrace it. I am hoping to some day be the "cool grandma" if my battle scarred children will allow me anywhere near my future grandchildren.
My quest for balance continues as I continually forget my own new Golden Rule of taking on less and enjoying life more. I do enjoy life, don't get me wrong. I choose things that interest me, I just choose too many at a time! Balance has been an issue all of my life in every sense of the word!! Balance challenge started young with physical balance when I tried to do gymnastics and ballet with my graceful little friends. I really did try but eventually accepted that I would never be graceful and moved on to other things. My over abundance of empathy and my need to be valued led me to the very stressful job of trying to please everyone. It takes a lot of juggling and a ton of patience to attempt the impossible task of bending over backwards. I spent so much time worrying about what other people thought that I lost track of what I think. It has been an interesting year spending time getting to know what it is that I like and what I want. Some times people get mad because I don't do what they expect of me. I have let those closest to me come to depend on me too much. I don't want to all of the sudden become unavailable, but I do need to step back and let them learn to make it without me there directing every step. This has not been a popular change, but it is a necessary one.
I feel like I have been on the hamster wheel for the past few years. I go in circles. I have hopes and dreams but I don't follow through because following through is scary. Following through could lead to a catastrophic fail. Failing is bad and landing on your ass hurts. The more I procrastinate the harder it gets to move forward. I believe that I have taught this behavior to my children and that kills me. Watching them struggle makes me feel that I have failed them somehow. I realize that they are now all old enough to choose their own paths, but did I give them any of the right tools? I tried to. Parenting is a huge responsibility and a hard job. You want your children, your marriage and your sanity to survive the journey without too much damage but some collateral damage is inevitable. We all come out with a few battle scars.
My desire to avoid conflict has not helped the situation. I can disappear for hours into a good book when the path gets too rocky for me. Avoiding unpleasant situations and blending in as to not stand out have been my coping mechanisms. I try so hard to sit quietly in the corner and not draw attention to myself. Unfortunately there is the other part of me that likes to entertain people with stories. I will be sitting there being good when all of the sudden I open my mouth and it won't shut up. Stuff spills out at 1000 miles per hour. I want the ground to swallow me up but it doesn't and I am left feeling awkward because all eyes are on me. I honestly meant to keep quiet. My kid used to think I was fun and cool. Now all of the sudden I shouldn't be taken in public. I hate the fact that my teenagers find me embarrassing. I know that they would rather me be quiet and act normal, but I'm not normal. I am damaged, self-conscious and stuck in a rut. I deal with things with humor. Yeah, I know sometimes that I am the only one who finds myself funny. My kids point it out often. I am supposed to nurture them and be gentle with their fragile self-esteem, but they aren't very gentle with mine.
I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. Who and what am I supposed to become? I have been a housewife/soccer mom for so long. My life was given freely to my children. Maybe too freely. The recent conflicts with my children are the natural pains of separation that come when it is almost time to leave the nest. Growing up is harder on them in some respects. Remember that I am exaggerating so they aren't as terrible to me as I say--most of the time. I am also not the worst mother in the world though I see plenty of flaws. How come hindsight has to be so clear? I could have used a crystal ball or some sort of map. Of course my children are all completely different from one another and do not follow any typical teen scenario. We wrote our own map and my intuition was the crystal ball. We have gotten us this far. I just hope that some day they will see that my motivational speeches were done in their best interest and that my quirky sense of humor kept them entertained on more than one occasion. I will continue the quest for balance, I will keep attempting to blend in and will let myself relax and become whatever it is I am meant to become. I am not ancient yet even though I feel like I am on some days. Getting old doesn't have to be a bad thing. I need to embrace it. I am hoping to some day be the "cool grandma" if my battle scarred children will allow me anywhere near my future grandchildren.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Ranting and Remembering....
I sit here on September 11th with so much on my mind. I am not sure where this blog is going. I guess as usual I will just start typing and see where my rant takes me. I am melancholy today and should be doing a thousand other things. Instead I will sit and type to clear my head. I don't expect people to like my views or applaud my infinite wisdom. I am just a soccer mom who doesn't even like politics--sometimes I just see so much injustice that I have to vent so that I can be done with it and move on.
Twelve years ago today I sat in stunned silence in my living room and watched in horror with thousands of others as a second plane hit the twin towers on live television. Life as we knew it suddenly ceased. Our great nation was under attack and we were helpless to stop the senseless destruction as hundreds of lives perished right before our eyes. Tears rolled down my face as I continued to watch through out the day as events unfolded. We were all glued to the television regardless of who we were. At that moment in time we were all Americans and our differences were forgotten. Unlikely heroes emerged through the hours, days and weeks following the attack. People wanted to do something to feel that they were making a difference. It was one of our darkest hours but also a time when we were more united than ever as a nation. What we witnessed made us better friends and neighbors for awhile, but as the years have gone by, the horror has faded. It is not in our backyard anymore so we can go back to being self absorbed. We can bitch about the security at the airport and how inconvenient it is. I bet the passengers on the 9-11 planes wish that security measures would have been tighter on that day.
Every day acts of terrorism are meted out in varying degrees across the globe. Much of it done in the name of religion. This is nothing new. Religious persecution has been an ongoing theme throughout history. People are slaughtered in the name of God by those who believe it is His will. So many of the world religions believe that theirs is the one true religion. Not all are radicals who believe that killing the unholy makes them martyrs. Unfortunately many religions preach intolerance and hate. Sadly the horror that we felt during the attack on our nation is something that other nations see on a daily basis. We thought we were immune, but as the world becomes smaller and smaller, we are all at risk. Terrorism is not something that only happens in the Middle East by people with dark skin and strange religious beliefs. Terrorism is done by individuals of all colors, nationalities and religions. It is acted out by radical individuals who are fueled by hatred. Religion isn't always the motivator. Who knows what motivates that much hate and anger.
I may be a naive sinner who is headed straight for Hell, but I believe in a loving benevolent God. A God who would rather see the world work together to feed the hungry, cure diseases and share resources. I don't believe that God worries about who has the biggest weapons, who makes the most money and who can claw their way to the top to achieve world domination. I'm not sure how He feels about churches like the Westboro Baptist Church who preach hate to their followers and continuously defy common decency by flaunting their narrow views. What happened to love? Does anyone ever really stop to think about the Golden Rule? Do our children even know what the Golden Rule is? The Golden Rule has been around since the 1600's and was used by most religions as an ethical rule of life. Wikipedia cites Leviticus 19:18 which says "You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your kinfolk. Love your neighbor as yourself. I AM Lord.". Vengeance? What is terrorism if not an act of vengeance? I know many people who hate their neighbors and do rude things just to piss their neighbors off. I'm not really sure what satisfaction that can bring, but these people are proud of their pranks and antics. It isn't so funny when the neighbors do it back though.
I guess I have just had a rough week. I see stories of human kindness and genuine caring buried in the back pages of newspapers while death, destruction and the completely inappropriate behaviors of celebrities steal the headlines. Reporters want the hard edge stories that shock and terrify the nation. No one wants to be put on the stories of little kids saving their allowance to help sick classmates or endangered species. Where is the blood and guts? The blood and guts is in the horror stories, the terrorists, the radicals and those who commit senseless acts of brutality against the innocent. Damn I'm the leader of the justice league or something today. I just hate injustice at all levels. It is hard to teach your children honesty and good values when everyone is trying to cheat the system, scammers are lying in wait around every corner and people randomly walk into schools and shopping malls and open fire with assault weapons. See why I can't watch the news.
What can I do to make the world a better place? Love my children. Be kind to everyone. Listen. Help when able. Try to set a good example. Admit when I am wrong. Take responsibility for my mistakes. Rant on my blog when I feel like things are hopeless and look to the positive. There are always positives. There are children saving their allowance to help people in need. There are good an honest people running non-profits that actually do help people. Not everyone is power hungry and filled with ulterior motives. Most of us are simple people who want to make small differences daily. When I say most I mean most--it doesn't matter what color, nation, religion or sexual orientation--most people are good. Most people don't make the news. Most people hate injustice as much as I do. As you remember the lives lost on 9-11-01, remember the unlikely heroes, the love and the compassion. Remember the Golden Rule and try to live it no matter what the people around you are doing. The biggest differences are made by the smallest of acts.
Twelve years ago today I sat in stunned silence in my living room and watched in horror with thousands of others as a second plane hit the twin towers on live television. Life as we knew it suddenly ceased. Our great nation was under attack and we were helpless to stop the senseless destruction as hundreds of lives perished right before our eyes. Tears rolled down my face as I continued to watch through out the day as events unfolded. We were all glued to the television regardless of who we were. At that moment in time we were all Americans and our differences were forgotten. Unlikely heroes emerged through the hours, days and weeks following the attack. People wanted to do something to feel that they were making a difference. It was one of our darkest hours but also a time when we were more united than ever as a nation. What we witnessed made us better friends and neighbors for awhile, but as the years have gone by, the horror has faded. It is not in our backyard anymore so we can go back to being self absorbed. We can bitch about the security at the airport and how inconvenient it is. I bet the passengers on the 9-11 planes wish that security measures would have been tighter on that day.
Every day acts of terrorism are meted out in varying degrees across the globe. Much of it done in the name of religion. This is nothing new. Religious persecution has been an ongoing theme throughout history. People are slaughtered in the name of God by those who believe it is His will. So many of the world religions believe that theirs is the one true religion. Not all are radicals who believe that killing the unholy makes them martyrs. Unfortunately many religions preach intolerance and hate. Sadly the horror that we felt during the attack on our nation is something that other nations see on a daily basis. We thought we were immune, but as the world becomes smaller and smaller, we are all at risk. Terrorism is not something that only happens in the Middle East by people with dark skin and strange religious beliefs. Terrorism is done by individuals of all colors, nationalities and religions. It is acted out by radical individuals who are fueled by hatred. Religion isn't always the motivator. Who knows what motivates that much hate and anger.
I may be a naive sinner who is headed straight for Hell, but I believe in a loving benevolent God. A God who would rather see the world work together to feed the hungry, cure diseases and share resources. I don't believe that God worries about who has the biggest weapons, who makes the most money and who can claw their way to the top to achieve world domination. I'm not sure how He feels about churches like the Westboro Baptist Church who preach hate to their followers and continuously defy common decency by flaunting their narrow views. What happened to love? Does anyone ever really stop to think about the Golden Rule? Do our children even know what the Golden Rule is? The Golden Rule has been around since the 1600's and was used by most religions as an ethical rule of life. Wikipedia cites Leviticus 19:18 which says "You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your kinfolk. Love your neighbor as yourself. I AM Lord.". Vengeance? What is terrorism if not an act of vengeance? I know many people who hate their neighbors and do rude things just to piss their neighbors off. I'm not really sure what satisfaction that can bring, but these people are proud of their pranks and antics. It isn't so funny when the neighbors do it back though.
I guess I have just had a rough week. I see stories of human kindness and genuine caring buried in the back pages of newspapers while death, destruction and the completely inappropriate behaviors of celebrities steal the headlines. Reporters want the hard edge stories that shock and terrify the nation. No one wants to be put on the stories of little kids saving their allowance to help sick classmates or endangered species. Where is the blood and guts? The blood and guts is in the horror stories, the terrorists, the radicals and those who commit senseless acts of brutality against the innocent. Damn I'm the leader of the justice league or something today. I just hate injustice at all levels. It is hard to teach your children honesty and good values when everyone is trying to cheat the system, scammers are lying in wait around every corner and people randomly walk into schools and shopping malls and open fire with assault weapons. See why I can't watch the news.
What can I do to make the world a better place? Love my children. Be kind to everyone. Listen. Help when able. Try to set a good example. Admit when I am wrong. Take responsibility for my mistakes. Rant on my blog when I feel like things are hopeless and look to the positive. There are always positives. There are children saving their allowance to help people in need. There are good an honest people running non-profits that actually do help people. Not everyone is power hungry and filled with ulterior motives. Most of us are simple people who want to make small differences daily. When I say most I mean most--it doesn't matter what color, nation, religion or sexual orientation--most people are good. Most people don't make the news. Most people hate injustice as much as I do. As you remember the lives lost on 9-11-01, remember the unlikely heroes, the love and the compassion. Remember the Golden Rule and try to live it no matter what the people around you are doing. The biggest differences are made by the smallest of acts.
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