With the recent losses of loved ones by me and those that I care about, the tragic news of a helicopter crash that killed nine souls including Kobe Bryant and his daughter was very sad to me. It brought home how precious life is and how quickly it can be over. I seem to be pondering that a lot lately and have been doing a few extra things to make sure that my last wishes are known. I am not planning on going anywhere any time soon and hope to be around to watch my granddaughters and future grandchildren grow up. There are no guarantees though. All that I can do is try to be the best version of me each and every day knowing that because I am human there will be days that I fail miserably. Hopefully I will brush myself off and try again the next day. The important part of making mistakes is learning from them and trying to do better in the future. With that said Kobe was human and made some bad mistakes, one that nearly cost him everything. Did he deny it at first--yes. Many of us deny things when we are young and stupid with a lot to lose. He did admit to his mistake though. He did not victim shame the girl, he did not make excuses, he did not make that mistake again. Instead he was forgiven by those who were closest to him and tried to make it up to them by being the best version of himself. Did he pay money to the girl in a civil suit--yes. That is part of the legal system, he made a mistake, he caused her emotional pain, he apologized and tried to do what was right. People can judge all that they want to but at the end of the day he is someone who became a loving husband and father with the second chance that he was given.
I defended him on social media today. That may seem silly but it is a big step for me. I like to stay quiet and not bring any negative attention to myself. I like to keep my opinions here on my own page where they are mine alone and people are less likely to call me names and start hating on me. I hate conflict and shy away from it whenever possible. I was feeling vulnerable today though. I was thinking of my own mortality and what people would say about me when I am gone. There are some who will remember me at my lowest points and will remind everyone of any shameful moments or the mistakes that I made big and small. That will happen to all of us. We are all flawed and screw up day after day. Thankfully I am not in the limelight and my indiscretions will be small potatoes that don't really matter in the end.
Kobe did get arrested, he was skewered by the media. The young woman went through the ringer as well. She was called all sorts of names which happens when anyone makes allegations. In the end maybe each one of them made bad decisions that night. They both paid in different ways and moved on with life.
I don't believe I am the only one who was pondering today. A friend re posted this which also made me think and want to respond:
There's a custom in many cultures to not speak ill of the dead. I, on the other hand, believe that one must speak true of the dead. The good, if there's any. The bad, especially if it was egregious. And the everything in between.
That is merely human existence. The scariest thing in the world is realizing that there are no angels or demons; just people.
I guess that's why so many of us try to turn people into one or the other.
Who and what we are is all dependent on the perception of those around us at any given moment in our lives. If we leave an impression, that impression will vary person to person even if a memory or accounting told to another is completely misconstrued. Our truth will be seen differently by another because many others are only capable of coming to conclusions that fit inside their own box. I know and love people who refuse to think outside of the box. It makes me sad sometimes. Minds that see black and white only; minds that are incapable of moving past mistakes are minds that miss out on so much.
My response to the post regarding speaking ill of the dead:
I am scarred, a bit jaded, I make mistakes everyday. I’ve been called a saint by some and others say I’m going to Hell. I do my best every day but because I am human I am imperfect. I try to be kind and generous but can be a complete bitch when I am tired or in pain. I try to be patient but can become completely annoyed at times. Angels and demons are titles given to all of us depending on the perspective of the one who is bestowing the label. Satan was an angel once......
I plan to be a bit kinder to myself this year. I don't want to continue to beat myself up for every stupid mistake that I ever made. There are people who don't believe that we change. Maybe a few people don't. The majority of us continue to grow and learn as we get older. Being middle aged brings such a different perspective. I am more forgiving and am working on being able to be able to speak my truth without worrying about offending people. We live in a world where people want us to walk on eggshells so that we don't offend anyone. It is exhausting and impossible not to offend people. I think being offended is a gut reaction much of the time. If you stop and try to see other perspectives it doesn't mean that you have to agree with them. It just means that you are respectfully taking into consideration what someone else is saying and why they feel that way.
I have digressed as is usually the case. When my time comes to leave this world I hope that people will know that I tried to be a good person. I tried to live my best life and I tried to teach others to seek joy. Celebrate the good and the bad as honestly as you can with as much kindness as possible........
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