Back in the day I had cute little curves that turned a few heads here and there. Going to the bar with friends was always a bit of an adventure because there were sure to be at least a couple interested men on the prowl who would offer a drink, a few compliments and a suggestion or two. I would thank them, make my excuses and leave feeling a little boost of confidence. There is a certain power that you feel when you are young and desirable. You don't fully understand or appreciate it at the time of course, at least I didn't. I was just a hopeless romantic who wanted to find the love of my life and life happily ever after. I have always been a sap for fairy tales. One thing that I have always had though is empathy. I can feel strong emotion and it affects me. It is intuition that I am sure everyone has if they are aware enough to listen for it. Sometimes I would walk into a room and know exactly who was interested in me because I could feel it.
Needless to say it has been several years since I have turned heads for my curves. I may have turned heads because I laughed too loud, tripped over my own two feet or have been in the presence of attractive friends, but that is the extent of it. I am happy with that. I had my days in the sun and now am enjoying my life as a wife and mother. My husband loves me so I don't need validation from other men. It does crack me up when my husband gets a bit jealous of the time that I spend with my gay friends. He finds them a little threatening and worries that just maybe they aren't gay and are really attracted to me. Funny, but true. I have always laughed at that and told him not to be ridiculous.
Last month I found myself in a gay bar with friends enjoying a drink before we went to dinner. I am very comfortable in gay bars which is why I was a bit shocked when I felt something that I hadn't felt in over twenty years--the eyes of someone attracted to me. I wondered if it was the alcohol going to my head. I had a drink before we left the house and now was nursing a hard cider. I was on vacation in California and maybe the excitement of the adventure was getting to me. Soon I found myself in a conversation with an over attentive Hispanic man with sparkling eyes and a bright smile. He only had eyes for me and that was a bit disconcerting. He talked to me about his girlfriend who he stayed with only because he was attached to her son who he felt she didn't pay enough attention to. He talked about music, Mexico and his two jobs in California. I had a hard time following him because his English was broken, the music was loud, I was a little drunk and he was sending loud signals. My friends were amused. I was amused, but a bit stunned. It was surreal and went from awkward to just plain weird when we were joined by another man. A very nice gay gentleman who explained that his friend was very attracted to large butts. He assured me that he was not trying to offend me at all. He wanted me to understand that not all men in the world wanted skinny girls who looked plastic. Some men wanted real women and it was pretty obvious that I was a real woman. He found me quite attractive, they both did. The gay man had once been married to a woman and knew what women liked. He was sure that he could make me very happy. If I wanted I could even include our Hispanic friend or my friend Linette who is gorgeous and has always turned heads. I decided that these two men were very nice, a little lonely and completely harmless. I accepted their compliments, told them about my husband and children at home and respectfully declined their invitation. They were gracious and let me know that the invitation was open if I should change my mind. I left feeling a little flattered and a bit more confident. Maybe it was the alcohol.
When I returned home from my vacation I told my husband all about my adventures in California. It had been a wonderful trip full of all kinds of fun memories. His jaw tightened a bit when I explained to him that I was still a desirable woman. I told him about my new admirers and how lucky he was that I was able to walk away from temptation. He asked if I was really tempted. I know he was picturing the beautiful men that are often seen in gay bars--men who only have eyes for each other. No, honey, I wasn't tempted my 31 year old Hispanic friend was probably 5'1" on a tall day and weighed about 100 pounds. His friend was quite fit for a 74 year old man. Of course my husband now says that I am ridiculous for telling him that I am not attractive to gay men. There is no arguing with him. I definitely don't have the right equipment to attract my gay friends and I don't want to. They are just like my female friends--good friends who I adore but don't want to sleep with. If I ever see my new friends again I would sit down and have a drink with them, enjoy their company and talk about life--I would not go home with them though. With me, flattery doesn't go very far but it is nice to hear that according to some people I still have it--big butt and all.
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