This quest has been a bit draining to say the least. I have had some ups and downs and really feel that I have gotten myself stuck. Lately I have not liked myself very much because I have some things figured out in my head but can't seem to get the rest of me to follow along. I'm stubborn. The biggest obstacle in my life right now is me. I have even made a list of things about myself that annoy me and need to be changed. What does any of this have to do with anything? Good question. As usual this may just be a random rant to clear my overwhelmed brain.
Those of you who know me may know that I have three different pages on Facebook. I am one of those people who actually see the good in social media. I know the bad but choose to use it regardless because written communication is a passion of mine and Facebook allows me to write, share thoughts and ideas, connect people and to try to spread love and kindness. Besides my personal page I have my blog page which is "Lana Luke" and then an alumni page that I started several years ago to help with finding people for our class reunions. The alumni page was never meant to be more than a tool to stay connected with my classmates. Facebook would not allow me to put the numbers 84 in the title because it is supposed to belong to a person and CHS Bruins 84 is not a name. The page has grown and is now a place where alumni of all ages can connect and share information. I hadn't really given a whole lot of thoughts to the ramifications of what I post. There were weeks and sometimes months when I didn't even check in. Last week I was happy for some of my friends who are going to finally be able to get married. I changed my profile picture to depict the rainbow colors on both of my pages. There was backlash on the alumni page. You can imagine my surprise when a couple of people complained. They thought that making a personal statement on a public page was not PC. I realized that there were people on the page that had no idea what the page was even for or who ran it. I tried to change the name of the page to make it look less official. I wanted to add my name or even the word unofficial. Facebook wouldn't let me. I then did something that I never dreamed I would do. After being accused of supporting a liberal agenda and censoring posts on a public page I let out a little temper tantrum rant. I will share the rant with you so that you will see that it wasn't anything too bad~just not my usual flying under the radar behavior:
I started this FB page for the class of 1984. I was looking for a way for us to be able to keep in touch and to get news out to one another regarding reunions, news about achievements and losses. We are a close knit group and have stayed so over the years. Others became friends with the page, so I though what the heck--if others want to be on here and connect as well so be it. I don't have the time, the desire or the energy to be attacked for anything I do or don't do on this page. It is pretty ridiculous. Aren't there better things for people to be doing? I am at a point in my life where I have worked through a lot of anxiety, depression and all of that crap that people go through every day in order to find that what others think really doesn't matter at the end of the day. I spent years tiptoeing around trying not to offend everyone. Guess what--just being who you are ALWAYS offends someone no matter how hard you try.
When you say Christian that brings a lot of different emotions out in people. Everyone has their own perception of what a Christian is. My relationship with God is exactly that--MY Relationship. He knows my heart, He knows my thoughts and He knows my intentions. I don't need to be attacked by rants claiming I am part of an agenda. Yes--I let it get under my skin. I believe some people like to get under the skin of others just to stir the pot for their own sick and twisted amusement.
This page is LANA STEPHENSON LUKE'S page that is NOT directly affiliated with Columbia High School. It is a place where if you choose, you can come, see pictures of people from your past, find old friends, ask questions that I try to find answers to and get information out about reunions, jobs, funerals, etc. It is NOT a place to attack anyone else, including me; to rant against White Salmon, CHS, Teachers, Alumni, Other people's views, ETC. I am happy to have any and all that have a problem with that hit the DEFRIEND button and start their own page somewhere else.
Though Facebook is Social Media and is Public--this page was built by me, it is maintained by me and I would go ahead and delete it all today if it weren't for the many positives that have come from it. This page has brought lost family members together, given some vital information to those who have asked and has shared good information. If you are looking for it to be something else, then look somewhere else.
It is never my intention to offend people, I hate drama (this whole thing is way too much drama for me), I avoid conflict because I am not wired for it and I really dislike politics. I believe everyone has the right to be who they are, love who they like and to answer to God in the end. I am human-I make mistakes, I am mostly clueless on a lot of things--what I do know is that I hate bullies and ranting against me when you don't know me and making me cry makes you a bully.
Needless to say, this rant generated a lot of comments which have been very positive and kind. I feel bad though because I wasn't looking for attention--I just didn't like being accused of having an agenda and couldn't understand why this stranger was attacking me. He doesn't know me but he was making generalizations about who I was and what I believe. Dude--I don't even know what I believe half of the time so how can you profess to know? I did the exact thing that I didn't want to do-I created drama.
One thing that I have learned about myself is that I am okay with the way that I am wired. I can always wish that I was thinner, smarter, prettier and all of that, but I am who I am. I am quirky, too talkative at times, too sullen at times, happy, depressed, dark, light, too curious, very empathetic and thanks to this guy I guess I can say that I'm liberal. He used the word like it was an evil four letter word that I should be ashamed of. I had to Google it (remember the wish I was smarter remark). I knew what liberal meant, but I wasn't sure why he was using it as a curse so thought I better check in case there were other meanings.
lib·er·al
ˈlib(ə)rəl/
adjective
- 1.open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values."they have more liberal views toward marriage and divorce than some people"
- 2.(of education) concerned mainly with broadening a person's general knowledge and experience, rather than with technical or professional training
I see nothing wrong with being liberal. I like to think outside the box. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate traditional views and that I am not traditional in some aspects of my life. I am open-minded. Do I think all of you need to be open-minded? It would be nice, but maybe you aren't wired that way. I don't hold your views against you, I just might not always agree. We can't all agree all of the time--that would be weird. The beauty of being wired differently is that we learn and grow by being aware of differences and learning to respect those differences. I am probably somewhat if not mostly liberal but the only agenda I have is to better myself as a person. To me things aren't all black and white. There are so many shades of gray in this world. You can argue and say there aren't which is fine--maybe to you my grays don't exist. Perception is different in every individual.
What I know about myself: I need to lose weight, I have a big heart, I am an empath, I am a Christian but have trouble with organized religion because I feel that many of them are too busy micromanaging people and miss the bigger message, I dislike politics and seldom vote, I love to read, I enjoy writing but seldom give myself the time to do it, I love making people laugh and smile, I believe that kindness can change the world, I hate scary movies, I cry when I watch the news, I worry about my kids more than I need to, I genuinely love people and want everyone to be happy, I hate injustice, I hate seeing people treat any living thing cruelly, I love animals, I like chocolate way too much, I need to appreciate my husband more, I can be extremely lazy when it comes to domestic issues, I get overwhelmed often and need to have more faith in my capabilities. Okay--there is more, but I think I've used up enough space on that.
Life is short. We all answer to God in the end. It is time for people to stop reacting to things without trying to see both sides. I worry about the state of our country too, but not for the same reasons as everyone else. I worry about the children who are starving, the growing gap between the rich and the poor, gang violence, the fact that we pay entertainers way more than we pay teachers, the amount of influence the media has on public opinion, our health and the environment. People spend way to much time pointing fingers, laying blame and saying that we are all going to Hell because the people who have always smoked pot can now smoke it legally and my gay and lesbian friends can now get married. Isn't their marriage something that they can take up with God when they meet him? You personally are not going to Hell because of things that other people do and worrying about it isn't a productive use of your time. Crap--I just said too much and had thoughts that don't blend in with everyone around me. Maybe there is hope for me--maybe I can own a belief and not be ashamed of it. Oh great--now I sound like I have an agenda. Disregard all of this and just hug your family, love one another, be kind and be happy. There are things more evil in this world than liberals and worse things that I could be called.
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