Our puppy Rooney discovered his tail last week. When all else fails it is a wonderful toy. He chases it tirelessly and has such hopes of catching it. I laughed when I watched this for the first time until I realized that this funny thing the puppy was doing reminded me an awful lot of life lately. I seem to be going in circles chasing something that I'm not even sure I will ever catch.
When I became pregnant with my second child I decided to give up my career in travel and work sporadic part-time jobs in order to spend more time with the kids. I wanted to be able to have a flexible schedule so that I could be there when needed. As a result I have a whole lot of things that I am mediocre at, but nothing that I really excel at doing. Now that the kids are older and I want to work a little more, I am having trouble finding my place in the world. I want to be doing something that I really like. Something that lets me use my creativity, allows me to think outside the box and makes me feel like I have accomplished something worthwhile. I do a lot of volunteer work that I enjoy, but unfortunately we are at a point where I need to bring home at least a small paycheck.
In the past I have worked as an education assistant and with exchange students. I am good at these things, but my heart isn't in them. I keep circling back to them because they are comfortable. I want to step away from my comfort zone and find something that I feel proud to be doing. I have been watching the non-profits, I have been looking at help wanted ads, websites and asking around. How do I explain what I want when I don't even know?
It sounds pretty crazy. I want a part-time job with flexible hours that allows me to use the talents I have. What talents do I have? Good question!! We are back to the mediocre stuff--I am sufficient on the computer, I know enough about social media, I am organized, I do excel a bit at communication-both written and verbal and I am a great team player. I have an Associates, but not a Bachelors--the employers seem so specific in their qualifications. Some people look great on paper, but then have no common sense. I have common sense, I have life experience, but how do you make that look good on paper. I am a writer, but I can't seem to write myself a decent resume'.
I took a test once in a career development class that was supposed to take your talents and desires and give you the ideal job. I got Funeral Director, Light House Keeper and Dance Instructor. I can't dance, so that is out. There aren't any lighthouses in Oregon City for me to keep and I'm pretty sure you have to go to college to be a funeral director. Maybe not, but I haven't run into any openings at funeral homes. Event Planner would be right up my alley. Yes--writer is obvious, but I am not sure where to start. I work on my blog, I putter with the novel, but it never goes anywhere. Most likely because I am not sure where it is supposed to go. The world out there is big and crazy. It caters to young, idealistic people with a lot of ambition and more often than not a degree. I am a soccer mom with no self esteem. I need to stop using that as a crutch and find a way. I may be older and wiser, but I am not dead yet. I do have value and should be able to contribute something somewhere.
I have a book buried around here somewhere called "Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow". What do I love? I'm not loving chasing my tail. I am tired of being in a rut. I need to find some energy, get inspired and make something happen. I need to figure out what I am passionate about. What do I love to do? I don't need to make a lot of money but I do need to feel like I am contributing to my family and to society in some way.
As I have been sitting here typing this Rooney has been chasing his tail. Yes, he is bored again. The other dogs are locked safely away with the kids sleeping. Rooney has been banished because of his energy. It is making my dizzy just watching him. He actually caught it for a second. He looked both surprised and confused then dropped it. I hope that when I finally catch mine I will know what to do with it.
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