"Sticks & stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me." Oh the lies we told ourselves from a very young age. Bones heal much more quickly than broken hearts and low self-esteem. Words do hurt, they crawl into your subconscious and hide there. They torment you with self doubt, make you feel unworthy and cause you to question whether you deserve to be happy. We have to be careful with our words. If we throw them carelessly about we can cause serious damage.
I was recently cast as the Evil Witch in someone's fairy tale. That was hard for me because I was really trying hard for the role of Fairy God Mother. What a great role that would be. I wanted to use truth, friendship and love to help grant wishes. The problem was that the wishes I was willing to grant did not match up with the wishes they were wanting to receive. We both had our own interpretations of the tale and they did not even come close to matching up. My fall from Fairy God Mother to Evil Witch came quickly. I thought all was well, then words started hitting me hard and fast. Awful words, hurtful words that I would never dream of throwing at anyone--especially not a dear friend. Sometimes dear friends become hurt by the world and those closest to them suffer. We are left wondering what we are supposed to do. In this case I need to forget the words and hold tight to the memories. There is nothing that I can do right now. I won't compromise truth and love. Sometimes love means telling someone what they need to hear and not what they want to hear. If they aren't ready to hear it, then you need to back off. You also have to be willing to accept that they may never be ready.
Obviously I am hurt at the moment, but I need to really think about the situation. I need to let the words go. They were carelessly thrown and they are the perception of one person who at this point wants me to hurt because they are hurting. Not everyone processes pain the same way. Some direct it out so that it hits all of those within range while others hold it in and try to hide it. Everyone needs an outlet, I use writing and humor. It took me awhile to realize that burying it was doing way too much damage. You can only bury so much then it starts showing up here and there in other areas of your life.
Today I thought of all of the people who have come through my life. There have been so many wonderful souls who have either become permanent fixtures or have passed through leaving life lessons or warm memories. I have always wanted everyone to stay not realizing that there is only so much time in a day. I have a big heart, but not enough hours to nurture hundreds of friendships. There have also been some not so pleasant characters who for whatever reason left scars or sometimes just a bad taste. All of these people have helped form the person that I have become. I have had some great experiences and have so many happy memories. I will not let those memories be tarnished by life. If someone suddenly changes and wants you out of their life does that mean that we erase the memories? I have seen marriages crumble and friendships fall apart. What happens to the memories? Are we supposed to hit delete and banish all of the pictures that show happy times? I would hope not. I would hope that we would know that life is ever changing and that there were days in the sun. When we lose something we mourn, then move on.
Yep--a little melancholy today. A bit blue. The storm outside fits my mood nicely. It will pass, these moods always do. Sometimes I just need to help them along by acknowledging them. Sorry to take you along for the ride. In the meantime be truthful to yourself, be loving to your friends, find outlets for your pain and please use words carefully. It really is smart to stop and think before you open your mouth. Of course that doesn't always help. Sometimes the person listening is only going to hear what they want to hear. In that case all of the right words in the world won't matter...........
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